The Penn State Bullshit

Does the blogosphere really need one more opinion on what went down at Penn State this week?  Probably not, but here I am anyhow.

I am disgusted and appalled that so many people are defending Coach Paterno.  I think he should not only be fired, but be charged with "________________" (whatever you would call ignoring a crime that allows young boys to be RAPED).

To me, not much needs to be said.  Its obvious.  Sports mattered more, and still do to some, than the lives of vulnerable young boys that were having their lives completely altered in a horrifying way by a monster.  How many boys could have been saved if the men who knew about the rapes would have followed up with the authorities?

What more is there to be said.  Its outrageous.

Sexual Abuse Among Clergymen

A blog I read has a feature on it called "The Morally Corrupt".  It lists all of the clergymen who have been arrested for various forms of sexual misconduct.  I know there are pedophiles and sexual predators in all walks of life, sadly many of them in roles that we tell our children should be able to trust (teachers, coaches, police officers, etc.).  But this, in my opinion most offensive, deplorable, disgusting misuse of trust and power I can think of.

Its also one of the most common.

Here is the list:

The Morally Corrupt

Do You Carry Pepper Spray?

I'd like to think I am very safe where I live, my city is always in the top ten of "safest cities in the US" and usually in the top five. But crime can happen anywhere, at any time, to anyone. I feel safer knowing that if I have pepper spray, I have a much better chance of escaping an attacker. Sadly there are coyotes in my area that are being forced to eat small dogs and cats, so I also feel safer having it with me when I walk my small dog. I am on the coyote's side (we took their land, what do we expect?) but I would do anything to save my dog from being attacked.

Here is the site where I got my pepper spray: BuyPepperSpray.com Be safe - not sorry.

15 Year Old Girl Raped, Help Captive by Man She Met Online

Jeffrey Sackman

Does this look like someone a 15 year old girl would want to be involved with?  No.  That's because he spent two years posing as a 17 year old boy and finally lured her to his apartment.  

Parents:  PLEASE be aware of what your child is doing online.  I hear so many parents say that its invading their privacy to use spyware to see EVERYTHING that is going on, but its to protect them!  Until our children are 18 and/or move out of our homes, its our job to keep them safe from predators like this.

A 15-year-old Buena Park girl has been reunited with her mother after police say she ran away from home last week and was drugged and repeatedly raped by a man she met on a social networking site two years ago.

Jeffrey Thomas Sackman, 44, of the Palm Springs-area community of Cathedral City is accused of posing online as a 17-year-old Italian boy and luring the girl to his apartment in the 28200 block of Landau Boulevard, Cathedral City police Lt. Chuck Robinson said.
Rest of the story here.

Women Are Sexual Predators Too

This article is from the Orange County Register. In brief, this woman was arrested for having unlawful sex with a minor under the age of 16, and lewd acts with a minor under the age of 14 (the child was 8 years old!).
Its much less common for a female to be a sexual predators, but they are out there and in some ways are more dangerous because they are less suspect. This woman has probably been up to this most of her adult life. I feel sorry for her son to have to go through the humiliation of having his mom's face all over the front page of our county newpaper and on the TV news. So many victims...sad.

LAGUNA NIGUEL – A 44-year-old hockey mother was arrested on suspicion of having unlawful sex and committing lewd acts with members of her son's youth hockey team, authorities said.

Katia Maria Davis, of Laguna Niguel, was arrested last Wednesday at her home on suspicion of having unlawful sex with a minor under 16 and committing lewd acts with a minor under 14, said Orange County Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino. She posted bail and was released later that day.

Katia Maria Davis, of Laguna Niguel, was arrested last Wednesday at her home on suspicion of having unlawful sex with a minor under 16 and committing lewd acts with a minor under 14, said Orange County Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino. She posted bail and was released later that day.

COURTESY OF THE ORANGE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT

Both victims are members of the youth hockey team, the Beach City Lightning, which her son played in, Amormino said. The teams played at a hockey rink in Anaheim and Laguna Niguel.

The investigation began last week after the first victim, the boy under 16, came forward to his mother, Amormino said.

"We received complaints that she was throwing parties for members of the hockey team and other friends of her son and providing them with alcohol," Amormino said.

Davis is accused of engaging in unlawful sex with the victim for the past year and a half, Amormino said.

During the course of the investigation, the second victim, the boy under 14, was located, Amormino added. It is believed that Davis committed the lewd acts about six years ago.

Investigators fear there may be more victims, Amormino said.

Did You Send Me an Email?

I feel terrible about this - someone sent me an email recently after reading something here.  I wanted to reply when I had enough time so I starred it.  Somehow I have lost it!  I looked through all my folders and in my trash and the email has vanished.  If it was you, please write me again!

Thanks

Reporting Rape

Excellent analogy!  This is why so many women don't bother reporting rape, because they know this is how they will be looked at by the police.  And those who are brave enough to file a report have to stand up to this kind of judgement in court.  When will it ever change?

Jason Marian Sex Offender in Mission Viejo

Jason Marian could be released in five months because his sentence was ONLY 2 years and 8 months.  Nice, another predator on the loose in Orange County.  Why do non-violent drug offenders who have done no harm to anyone (but themselves) get more time behind bars than scum like this dude?  I'm really angry and fed up (as usual) about how lenient we are with sexual predators and then act surprised when they strike again.

This guy is the dance instructor that lured his 12 - 14 year old students into his bathroom to change out of their bathing suits and was able to film them with a hidden camera.  He also coerced a 16 year girl (got her drunk) to have sex with him.

04/14/2007	311.11(a) PC	F	Possess / control child pornography	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
2	0	04/14/2007	311.4(c) PC	F	Use underage person for obscene matter	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
3	0	04/14/2007	311.4(c) PC	F	Use underage person for obscene matter	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
4	0	04/14/2007	311.4(c) PC	F	Use underage person for obscene matter	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
5	0	04/01/2006	647(k)(2) PC	M	Invade the privacy of another	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
6	0	04/14/2007	311.4(c) PC	F	Use underage person for obscene matter	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
7	0	01/24/2006	311.4(c) PC	F	Use underage person for obscene matter	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009
8	0	01/24/2006	289(h) PC	F	Sexual penetration by foreign object; victim under 18	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009
9	0	01/24/2006	289(h) PC	F	Sexual penetration by foreign object; victim under 18	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
10	0	01/24/2006	288a(b)(1) PC	F	Oral copulation of person under 18 years	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010
11	0	01/24/2006	288a(b)(1) PC	F	Oral copulation of person under 18 years	NOT GUILTY	05/29/2009	Found Guilty by Jury	04/30/2010

A young boy that never recovered from rape....

For some reason, sexual abuse against males of any age is not talked about as openly as abuse against female victims.  Last year Oprah did a phenomenal show on the topic where hundreds of men showed up in her audience with photos of themselves at the age they were raped or molested, many shared how it affected their lives.  Its the kind of thing that, unfortunately, we need to teach our children about and watch for constantly (how sad is that?)

Earlier this year Bill Zeller (above) ended his own life.  He shared why in this agonizing suicide letter.  He was never able to move beyond what he refers to as "the darkness" (being raped starting at age 7).

Reading his letter broke my heart.  How many others are out there carrying their secrets and suffering in silence?  How many believe death is the only option to escape the pain?  How many want a healthy loving relationship and children but are unable to fulfill that dream due to their inner demons?  All because evil sick people roam free, seeking out their prey: children.

Children who are afraid to tell anyone continue to live abused and are ripped apart physically and emotionally.  It has to end!!!!  But how?  How can we stop it when we don't even know half the time that its happening?

This reminds me of one of the most chilling things I ever heard.  It was during a segment on child sexual abuse in the SAVA* Training I received.  Two police officers came to speak with us.  They drilled home the point that a HUGE PERCENTAGE of sexual abuse to children was perpetrated by people that were close to them.

Then the played it....a recording they did in a sting operation when a young boy finally told his mother that on his weekends at dad's house, bad things were happening.  The officers wanted to nail this dude so they decided that getting a taped confession was the way to go.  They coached the little boy and then had him call his dad.

I heard him telling his dad he didn't want to come to his house anymore, (this is the abbreviated version of their conversation) and when the dad asked why the little boy said "because I don't want you putting your penis inside me anymore".  I think everyone in the class had a strong reaction to hearing that - one woman cried, many gasped.  I felt like throwing up and then beating the crap out of this monster.  Anyhow - the dad admitted on the phone that he had indeed been raping his own young son.  That little boy was brave and did the right thing, he had to turn against his dad, (who called him Buddy and seemed like a normal dad on the surface) and send him to jail.  Most little kids are threatened or somehow convinced that what they are doing is a special secret in order for them not to tell anyone.

Its enough to make you want castration to be the first thing we do to sexual deviants rather than throw an ankle bracelet on them and hope for the best.  Sigh.  Things have to change.

Teach your children, protect them, watch for any signs that something is wrong, because there very well could be.

*Sexual Assault Victim Advocate

Why Women Don't Report Rape

This is an excellent article, although very disturbing because of the statistics:

According to Department of Justice figures compiled by RAINN, six out of 10 assaults are never reported to police. "Of the 40 percent that are reported, roughly half will never will never lead to an arrest — and of the cases remaining, many of those won’t lead to prosecution," Berkowitz said.
"So when you boil it down, 15 out of 16 attackers will never spend a day in prison," he says.

Also,

 When Kristen Bakalar was pulled into a wooded area by a stranger and raped, three weeks after beginning college, she didn’t think twice about reporting it.
It was only on the witness stand, as the 18-year-old was being quizzed about her sex life and about the precise color and length of her pubic hair, that she fully realized just how brutal the experience of bringing her rapist to justice would be.
Bakalar, now 30, doesn’t pretend to know what happened between former International Monetary Fund chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn and the hotel maid accusing him of attempted rape. But she does know what it’s like to be the accuser in a rape investigation. And she fears that the messy, high-profile case, with its public glare on past faults of the accuser, will have a chilling effect on women reporting rapes.
"I can see victims out there contemplating coming forward, and saying, ’What’s the point?’" says Bakalar, whose attacker is serving a 20-year sentence for the rape. "If they’re on the fence, and they see this, instead of taking a step forward they might take a step back."

I highly recommend reading the entire article.



"Some Fear Chilling Effect on Women Reporting Rapes"

Why Do I Write This Blog?

Occasionally someone questions why I have a blog on this topic.  Why do I link to all the vile and disturbing stories in the news (trust me, I only refer to a tiny handful of all the horrible acts that occur daily)?
What is the point?  Why bother having this blog at all?

Here's why - because it helps people.  I am honored and humbled that my words have made a difference.

I like to think this blog serves several purposes;

Its a place for victims to find out they are not alone.  They can leave comments or email me (the most common way I hear from people).

Its a place for loved ones of victims to read about the effects of rape/sexual abuse.

And its a place that WARNS PARENTS and others about the many predators out there looking for victims.

Its not a pleasant thing to write about.  I get angry, I cry, I feel helpless to stop the cycle.  So I do what I can.

I have two passions in my life, this is one, the other deals with heroin addiction and recovery.  I spend a lot of time writing on the blog related to that because its what touches my life daily (my son).  But I am re-committing to writing here more often and to making this a better blog by adding new information such as:

1. How to investigate the adults in your children's lives (coaches, teachers, etc.)  I am taking a class in July that will show me how to get beyond the simple search of a sexual offender registry and find more info.  I will share what I learn here.

2.  Same as above for women who want to check out men they are dating or intend to date

3. A more interactive way to connect (not sure what this will look like yet)

4.  Topics more organized in a way that makes them easier to find

Any suggestions you have would be very welcome and appreciated.

Thanks,

Barbara

Church Choir Director Arrested for Lewd Acts with 15 Year Old

Mark Michaels

This 57 year old choir director was caught in a car messing around with a 15 year old girl that was a member of his choir.  You can read the full story here.

RAINN

Deputy Arrested for Sex With Minor

SAN BERNARDINO (KTLA) -- A San Bernardino County Sheriff's deputy was placed on leave Friday after he was charged for allegedly having sex with a minor.
According to a press release, 10-year veteran Nathan Gastineau was arrested Friday night on a charge of lewd acts with a minor.
The department received information Friday morning that he may have had inappropriate relations with a 16-year-old girl.
Gastineau, 30, a Redlands resident, was booked into West Valley Detention Center.
He has been put on leave for the course of the investigation.

I'll keep you posted as this investigation moves forward.  A reminder - I post these articles to warn people.  We each have to be responsible for our own safety and can't necessarily trust even a police officer.  Chances are this was consensual, but not necessarily.  Either way it was illegal.

A Very Special Poem

This was written by one of my blog readers, she's given me permission to report it here.  The timing is just happens to fit with something I am going to be writing about in the near future.  Thank you, Persephone, for sharing this powerful and personal poem with all of us.

A Little Girl

Locked inside in a cold, dark, empty room away from the world to see
Cowers a little girl in a corner struggling to be free...

She is a child, a little girl of maybe seven or eight
Scarred from so many years of abuse and hate...

The unspeakable acts of violence she knows all too well
And knows too that she mustn't never ever tell...

For who would she tell and why would they care
She is so frightened she just reaches for her bear...

For what if she tells someone about it all and they did believe
Would that make it better or should she just continue to deceive...

They said it was her fault that she was to blame
She knows she is bad so why shouldn't others feel the same...

Why would anyone bother with her in any way
When she cannot even begin to know what to say...

The tears falling down her cheeks now like the rain
Her hurt showing now showing all the pain...

She sees her past now like a movie slide show
And she remembers each and every blow...

She sees it all now every single one as they had their turn
Her fear growing now her stomach even beginning to churn...

She watches each and every incident close but from afar
She doesn't have to look to find the scar...

The pain becoming stronger now filling every pore
It shakes her shakes her right down to her core...

She feels every violation, feels every pain, hears every word said
And deep down inside she wishes she was dead...

She knows a way to end the hurt, pain and tears
But this is the thing she probably most fears...

The razor laying next to her calling for her to come
Knowing that in its use there is release at least some...

She grabs it now its edges glinting like the sun
And she makes the long, deep cuts the blood beginning to run...

She's so ashamed now the deed is done
Knowing that yet again they won...

She's thinking now of what she has heard people say
That she deserved it in each and every way...

She stays in the corner now away from the light
Knowing that she doesn't have the strength to fight...

Sad, cold, alone, afraid, and crying
She feels like in some ways she is dying...

You might ask how do you know her so well
How is it that you have all this to tell...

Well I will tell you why I know
Is it not plain or does it not show...

I know that little girl very well you see
I know because that little girl lives inside of me.....

My little girl, Kayla

Sexual Assault at Denver Airport, Allegedly Ignored by Employees

A woman was attacked, thrown on floor of the concourse and raped. Three employees walked past and did nothing. A security guard finally came by and called police.

The airport spokesperson insists that the airport is safe. It wasn't safe for this young woman.

Full story here.

A former San Clemente pastor pleaded not guilty

I recognize this "man" - I used to go to this church years ago and remember Pastor Joe. How interesting that he's chosen to pastor YOUTH.  I wish I could say I was surprised.  If I've said it once I've said it a million times:  pedophiles seek out jobs or volunteer opportunities that give them access to children.  BEWARE!

If I still believed in a loving God I'd ask him:  "Why do you allow predators into your "family" to perpetrate the most heinous of crimes among your most innocent children?"

From the OCR:

A former San Clemente pastor pleaded not guilty Friday to sexually assaulting a 14-year-old girl more than a decade ago.

Joe David Nelms, 47, was extradited from Texas to face eight felony counts of lewd acts upon a child under 14, charges that he denied at his Friday arraignment, according to Orange County Superior Court records.

Joe Nelms.

COURTESY OF THE ORANGE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT

Prosecutors allege Nelms met the girl in 1993 while working as a youth pastor at Pacific Coast Church in San Clemente. He is accused of sexually assaulting her over a three-year period.

Nelms left Orange County in 2000, becoming a bible study teacher and a counselor for high school students in Texas.

The girl reported the alleged sexual assault earlier this year after a friend she confided in urged her to go to authorities. Nelms was arrested at his Texas home March 18 and extradited to Orange County on Wednesday.

Nelms remains in custody at Orange County Jail in lieu of a $200,000 bail, according to Orange County Sheriff's Department records. He is scheduled to return to court May 2 for a pretrial hearing and a bail review.

Authorities say they know of at least one other person who they suspect was sexually assaulted by Nelms but have been unable to identify her. They are asking other potential victims to come forward, noting that the statute of limitations has not expired.

The Psychology of Rape

This is an interesting article on the reasons behind rape and the types of men who commit rapes.

When I was in training we were taught that rape had nothing to do with sex - and everything to do with violence.  I found that to be a very profound statement, but not all inclusive.  I've always believed that some rapes were motivated by some sort of perverse sexual need.  Of course these are no more justified than any type of rape, all of it is immoral and illegal.


What I found most disturbing in the article were the statisics:

 A recent study of 1,600 juvenile sexual assault offenders found:

• Just 33 percent of these boys perceived sex as a way to demonstrate love or caring;
• 23.5 percent believed that sex was a way to establish power and control;
• 9.4 percent found sex to be a good way to dissipate anger;
• 8.4 percent believed sex to be a way to punish others.

In a study of college men, 35 percent admitted they would violently rape a woman who had rejected a prior advance if they were assured of getting away with it. Many men and women believe a woman deserved rape if she was intoxicated, led the man on, or invited him into her bedroom. In a 2003 study, men who were highly competitive and win-oriented reported more sexual aggression and held beliefs that supported rape. 

18 Men Rape 11 Year Old Girl

This story is one of the most horrifying I've heard in a long time and what makes it even more sickening is the fact that some are blaming the little girl!

Demetria Lucas has written an excellent article on Essence.com about this, you can read it here.  

Pastor guilty of molesting 14-year-old

SANTA ANA – A jury Monday found a San Clemente church pastor guilty of molesting a 14-year-old girl and sending her sexual e-mails.

Ricardo Avalos Maffey, 44, was convicted of five felony charges of lewd conduct with a child and one felony count of contacting a minor with intent to molest.

Ricardo Avalos Maffey

Maffey, a pastor at the Apostolic Christian Church in San Clemente, faces up to six years in prison for kissing and touching the girl on several occasions and sending sexually provocative e-mails to her between May and August 2008 at his sentencing on April 15.

"I am very happy for the victim and her family," Deputy District Attorney Jennifer Walker said after the decision by a jury of four women and eight men in Orange County Superior Court. It took the panel about 4½ hours to reach a verdict.

The pastor, who was a "quasi-father figure" to the girl, working closely with her in his office and spending time with her and her siblings at his home, became infatuated with her and was progressing toward a sexual relationship when her mother found out about it, Walker had told jurors.

"This case is about a violation of trust and a violation of the law," she said in her opening statement

Maffey, who works for the city of Santa Ana and had been out on bail since his arrest, was taken into custody after Judge Thomas N. Goethals listened to arguments from both sides as he weighed whether to release Maffey until sentencing.

Read story here.

Children's Book Author, Michael Snyder, Accused of Molesting Young Girl - ktla.com

Here's another one close to home:

Michael Snyder

Children's Book Author, Michael Snyder, Accused of Molesting Young Girl - ktla.com

Swim School Instructor Suspected of Raping Teenage Student

Ok, just hours ago I posted the below story about the man who raped his friends two year old at Sea World when he had ten minutes alone wit her.

Now I open my local paper to read this story.  It confirms what I said, you can't really trust anyone, even around your teens.  This man is the owner of a swim school.

Does anyone out there have any ideas on how we can trust ANYONE near our children?  I think the only answer it to never allow a child to be alone with an adult....ever.

Todd Sousa

Todd Sousa, 36, was arrested Thursday at J. Serra Catholic High School, where he was coaching.

According to reports Sousa, founder and executive director of Swim Venture, admitted to having sex with the young girl during police questioning.

Officials believe there could be more victims.

"He certainly violated a position of trust," Amormino said. 

"These parents trust this man with their young children."

you can read the rest of the story here.

Another Example of Never Leaving Your Child With Someone You Don't Trust 100%

Michael Grzybowicz


Man raped Toddler at Sea World, Orlando

Its a very sad story made even sadder because it happens so often.  A woman, her 2 year old daughter, and her boyfriend, along with another male "friend" are at Sea World.  The mom and boyfriend go on one of the rides and leave the "friend" watching the little girl.  The man molests the little girl in the ten minutes he's alone with her and takes pictures of the incident with his cell phone.

I don't know how well the mother knew this guy, but I'm sure she felt safe leaving him to watch the baby in a very public place for a very short time.

How can we know who to trust and who not to trust?  If I had to go through parenthood again with a young child, I would choose to trust no one but my family and closest friends.  Its very sad that our children are so vulnerable but they are....

...teachers, day care workers, coaches, babysitters, neighbors, clergymen, doctors, nurses, relatives...

Sad, sad, sad.

Cop Rapes Woman

This entire article was taken directly from True Crime Report.


All I can add is these two are getting paid while on administrative leave while so many of us struggle to find jobs.   Hopefully the trial will find them GUILTY because they are!  He ADMITS it!

​Kenneth Moreno
Apparently Kenneth Moreno figured his victim's privates were self-serve and helped himself. He even upheld the protect part of the cop charter by wearing a condom, as he screwed the mostly unconscious New York woman in December 2008 while his partner, Franklin Mata, waited in the living room. 

Moreno and Mata first encountered the very inebriated fashion executive after she threw up in a cab her friends had called for her. She was leaving the Park Slope club Southpaw, and the cabbie called 911 saying his passenger needed help getting into her apartment. Mata and Moreno responded to the call at 1 a.m. and helped the woman into her bathroom where she continued to vomit. The 43-year old Moreno and his 28-year old partner promised to check back in on her. 

Franklin Mata

​They returned an hour later, when they were let in by another resident after claiming to investigate a noise complaint. They'd been there about 15 minutes when they were forced to leave to handle a traffic accident. After taking care of the accident one of them allegedly called 911 from a pay phone near the accident saying a homeless man was lurking near the woman's Brooklyn apartment, giving them a pretext to return to her apartment. They arrived at 3 a.m. according to closed-circuit video from a nearby bar. Having noticed the cameras this final visit, they would try to hide their faces on their way out. (Shame can do that to you.)

While inside Moreno moved the woman from the bathroom floor to her bedroom and undressed her. He had sex with the woman while she was passed out on her stomach. That morning the victim complained to friends the cops had raped her and was taken to the hospital. The District Attorney's office became involved and put a wire on the woman. She confronted the officer that day, and got him to admit to his transgression. 

After initially denying raping her, Moreno admits, " "It wasn't done intentionally. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got caught up." He tells her he wore a condom, and because he puts the men in mensch, threw her a bone (instead of jamming it in her). "If you stop drinking, I'll be your boyfriend," he offered. "I'm not a bad man. I'm a good friend to have." Yeah, that's exactly what a rape victim's looking for -- a commitment from her assailant. That's as welcome as Mel Gibson at temple. 

Moreno and Mata go on trial next week for rape, burglary and official misconduct. If convicted, Moreno could be imprisoned for up to 25 years. The two have been idled on paid administrative leave the last two years, collecting over a quarter of a million dollars (Moreno $150,000 and Mata $100,000). Good work if you can get it. I suppose it wouldn't be fair to ask for the money back if they're found guilty...

Kobe Bryant Makes me Sick

I hate basketball season because I have to see the arrogant, smug face of Kobe Bryant plastered all over the media.  He's running around a court hanging of the hoops making millions when he should be in jail serving his term for rape.

Many people will disagree with me on this...obviously, since he's seen as some sort of god by Laker's fans.  But I know the truth and so does Kobe. He knows he got away with it, he also knows what happened behind the scenes in the civil case that he LOST.

One of my closest friends knows the victim and her family.  He knows what kind of girl she was, a typical 19 year old.  And typical 19 year olds have sex with boys/men, and a typical 19 year old would have a hard time turning down a young handsome rich, famous, celebrity.

What started out mutually did not end that way.  When he forced her, with his hands around her neck to bend over a chair so he could have sex with her in that position, she said NO!  STOP!  But not only did he not stop, when he was almost done he forced her to turn around so he could ejaculate in her face.   THAT is called RAPE - forcing yourself on someone who doesn't want you, not to mention degradation.

There was physical evidence against Kobe, including her blood on his shirt and vaginal trauma, but as is typical in many rape cases, they put the victim on trial and tried to make her look bad, like she agreed to it.

And because this poor girl refused to take the stand, they dropped the case.  Reading some of what this young lady would have had to say IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD was so degrading and humiliating, of course she did not want to testify and have everyone in her life, plus everyone watching the trial, hear what she endured.

He got away with it.  He continues his life of fame and fortune bouncing his little balls around on the court.....while her memory of that night will never leave her.  She will never stop being "the girl who accused Kobe of rape".

Well, I know she was telling the truth and I hope that someday, somehow Kobe has to pay for it.  I can think of an appropriate punishment but I will keep that thought to myself.

Swiss social worker admits to 114 sexual assaults on the disabled

This is particularly disturbing. My question is how come no one noticed in all these years?

February 01, 2011|By the CNN Wire Staff

A social worker in Switzerland has confessed to sexually assaulting more than 100 disabled children and adults, authorities said Tuesday.

The 54-year-old man, who was not identified, said the assaults took place over a 28-year span in nine institutions where he worked as a therapist.

The rest of the article can be found here:  CNN

Life Is Not Fair

When a child is sexually abused, no matter what age, their childhood is stolen and the course of their life changes.  The victim lives with the after affects as the predator, the offender, the monster, moves on to his/her next victim.

No matter what age, child or adult, something very twisted happens in our psyche when someone assaults us sexually.  We are 100% innocent, not at fault in any way, but more often than not one of the after effects is feeling ashamed, guilty and sometimes even as if we asked for it.

This is a heartbreaking tragedy.

Humiliation, fear, anger, shame, self blame, anxiety, self loathing, a sense of being ruined and dirty, lack of self worth.

All these things, and more, lead to a person not having the opportunity to have a healthy self esteem.  It can lead to promiscuity; hatred of the opposite sex; a belief that the only thing valuable about themselves as a person is their sexuality.

I hate the word victim because there is no positive association with that word.  I like to help victims change their way of thinking and start to call themselves "survivors".  Yes - we were victims, but we survived.  If we continue living as victims the other person (people) won and we continue to suffer day in and day out.

Its a lifelong battle and its so unfair.

Its unfair when a child is diagnosed with cancer.  They lose their childhood too.  They live with all sorts of pain and fear.  But people are their to love and support them through it.  They never feel it was their fault they got cancer.  They don't feel like less of a person.  It won't change the types of relationships they have in the future.

And - they are looked at with compassion or even respect for fighting the battle.

A girl who was raped, a boy who was molested, they typically live with their secret.  They tell no one.  Its too horrible to talk about.  They fear what will happen to them if they tell.

If someone does find out - they are looked at with pity or more likely, they are avoided or the subject is glossed over in denial because no one wants to address it, its too damn ugly.

So...please understand that you are a victim that is also a survivor.  Don't let the monsters win, fight for your self worth, work through your anger, accept the unfairness.

Talk to someone who understands...someone who knows how it feels.  You can take your life back.  It will never be 100% gone the emotional wounds heal goes on but the scars never completely fade, they are a lifelong reminder.

I'm sorry life is so unfair and that so many children lose their innocence.  I wish I knew a way to make it all just stop.