I am Strong but Fragile - What Rape Does to Your Life

My entire life has been full of tragedies and sadness.  I am not saying that for pity, PLEASE don't ever feel sorry for me, that would make me a victim again and it took years to get over.

This post is to try and explain how feeling unsafe as a child, being molested and raped and raped again as a teen, can cause a young woman's life to take a turn towards ugliness and sorrow.  It presents three paths:

- the path to hating men and sex
- the path to being strong and overcoming
- the path to believing that sex = love and becoming a slut promiscuous and looking for love through sex, never trusting men, always feeling used, never experiencing true intimacy


I walked down the third path until my late 20's when I chose to end that cycle and become strong.  Then at age 30 I accidentally got pregnant, and although I had had multiple abortions in my youth, this time it was never a question.  I was going to be the best damn mother in the world.

I didn't date for 11 years.  Met a guy, he hurt me and I fell right back into path number three, minus the sexual promiscuity.  I didn't think I would EVER be able to trust a man.  It took years to get to a place that I could open my heart and accept true love.  Then I was hurt again. 

So when people make light of sexual abuse and rape, I get furious.  Some of us are scarred for life by the events of our past, that does not make us weak, it makes us human.  Humans naturally do whatever they can to protect themselves, to cope.

So when you are talking to a woman who appears to be strong and handling her past sexual abuse/rape well, know that if she is, she's rare.  Inside she probably hurts to this very day.  She may wonder if she will ever be "normal" and experience relationships with men that are healthy.  She may find comfort reaching out to others, she may be in denial, she may just continue to look for true love.  I still believe it exists, I just don't know if it exists for me or not.

Pastor Accused of Molesting Girls in His Church

 Jose Campoverde

Arrested on suspicion of molesting four girls, according to police. Police said Campoverde is the pastor of Ministerio Cristo Vive, a stripmall congregation. Here is the rest of the article in the OCR

Polanski arrested in connection with 1970s sex charge

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!
(see update)

Read full story Here
Someone pointed out this article on Salon.com that I agree with 100%.  Its unfathomable to me that anyone is defending him and calling HIM a victim after reading in detail what he did.  I think the girl's mother who allowed this (allegedly) should have been arrested too.
Warning:  graphic sexual content.
Here is the article.

Children Not Safe in Their Own Beds:

 Ernesto Parraguirre, 20

Police looking for man who broke in, molested girl
Police believe that a gang member climbed into a house in Orange and molested a 9-year-old girl and terrorized her teenaged sister.  Story Here.

Doctor Molests Child

This story bothers me on many levels, the obvious plus the fact that this dude probably has tons of money and is paying for the best attorneys possible.  So what if he's 82 years old, that's no excuse for lightening his sentence.  I have little mercy for people who molest children.


Prominent doctor gets 30 days in jail for molestation
Prominent surgeon also sentenced to 330 days' home confinement.


Dr. William Moore Thompson III, 82, was sentenced by Orange County Superior Court Judge Thomas Goethals to 30 days in Orange County Jail and 330 days of home confinement.
Sentencing guidelines call for a three- to eight-year sentence in state prison for the crime.

Thompson pleaded guilty to two felony counts of lewd and lascivious conduct with a child under 14 years old, and one count of dissuading a witness from testimony.

The child in the first two counts was a family member, not a patient.  DOES THIS MAKE IT MORE ACCEPTABLE OR LESS?  WHAT'S THE POINT?

According to testimony at a preliminary hearing, Thompson had the girl rub his genitals on 15 to 20 occasions between May 24, 2003 and May 23, 2004. Investigators taped a call from the girl in which Thompson admitted, "I know it's wrong, absolutely," according to the testimony.  I LOVE IT WHEN THEY INCRIMINATE THEMSELVES AND MAKE IT EASY TO CONVICT WITHOUT A DOUBT.

Thompson has been the medical director of at least three PPOs, and was on the clinical surgery faculty of the UC Irvine School of Medicine for almost 40 years, according to biographical information posted on the Web sites of companies he has worked for.  JUST GOES TO SHOW SEX OFFENDERS COME FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

Thompson is allowed to serve his home confinement before he goes to jail for a month.
"He's an 82-year-old in poor health; he's not likely to live much longer," Rackauckas said. "He's had two major heart attacks. He has a defibrillator and a pacemaker."  SO WHAT?

Thompson is required to register as a sex offender.  GOOD, he is one.

Read rest of story here.

This Girl Just Slapped all True Rape Victims Across the Face

Yesterday the media shared a story about five guys who gang raped a girl.  Then she says, "Um, I lied, it was consensual".  Does she have any idea how this affects women who have really been raped?  I am too pissed off to even go there right now...there is something wrong with this young woman and she needs to be evaluated and possibly punished.

Also SHAME ON THE POLICE DEPT. involved in this case - how dare them parade the accused men around on the media with no concrete evidence!  This is wrong for two reasons:

1) Obviously its had a negative affect on these guys and made them victims

2) IF this was a real rape they may not have followed protocol and the case could have been thrown out


I may rant on this more later, but for now, I just had to get this out.

Why Did She Drop the Charges?

The woman (18 years old is really a teenager) that said she was raped by five men in a college dormitory restroom is now taking back the allegations.  Story here.

This is very disturbing if its true, or if its not.

If its true - if she did make up the whole thing, then its a slap in the face to every real victim of rape that has to face the humiliating and terrifying act of reporting the crime and all that goes along with that (most rapes are not reported for this reason - that's why most rapists are not caught).  Why would she do this?  It makes no sense that she would consentually have sex with five men then turn around and report it as a rape.  What would her motive be?  What does she have to gain from that?  Wouldn't she be risking retaliation from these guys?  There names and faces have been linked with a brutal crime across the entire nation.  Is she trying to get revenge on them?  Did they pay her to do this?  Why would she lie about this?

If its not true - if she was indeed raped and is now taking back her statement the question  again is "Why?".  Has she been threatened?  Is she traumatized to the point that she doesn't want to be the center of a nationwide crime story that will affect the rest of her life?  Has her family pressured her to drop the charges?  Is it simply too overwhelming to deal with? 

I want answers.  I may never get them.  This is very frustrating and disappointing.  I want justice and at this point its hard to say who deserves it.

Would You Feel Safe Sending Your Daughter to College?

Me as a smiling, clueless young woman who would soon face the horrors of a rape that could have been prevented

IF I had followed my own advice that I give you here.

So last week a young woman is murdered at Yale University, now there is a story about an 18 year old college student being tied up in a men's restroom stall and gang raped by five guys.    Stop and think about that for a minute if you can stomach it, personally I can't.

While all the experts spend years doing studies on WHY this happens and analyze the hell out of it, I will share my thoughts and words of wisdom, its simple, and it could save your life:

FEMALES:  DO NOT GO ANYWHERE ALONE

No, its not fair that we are the more vulnerable sex.  No its not fair that we can be a black belt in Karate and still be overpowered.  Its not fair that we have to be inconvenienced by finding someone to walk us to our car, our dorm room or our home.  Its not fair that we can't go out alone at night and be safe.  Its just not fair at all.

But life has never been fair.  You can argue against your rights as a female, or you can be wise and careful and guard your life by not allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an attack.  Of course, even that is not enough - Annie Le was at work when she was murdered!  The girl that was gang raped followed a guy into a dormitory because he took her cell phone from her.  

I know people will have issues with what I am saying here, the main objection being "why should I, as a woman, have to inconvenience my life when men don't have to worry about their safety as much?  Its sexist!  Its wrong!"

Yes, it is.  But its also a fact of life that many more women then men are victims of random violent crimes.  Men should be careful too.  My boyfriend was attacked and beaten years ago when he was walking home late at night and jumped by several other guys.   In my opinion, this is no time to stand up for our rights as women or be politically correct.  Its time to look at statistics, read the news and see that there is an ongoing epidemic of women being raped and murdered, often by strangers.

I prefer to keep my own story private, but its times like this that I see the value in talking about it.

BOTH times I was raped, I had left myself in a vulnerable position.  If it were today I would think twice before agreeing to be in a home alone (as a 14 year old) with two men in their 20's.  If it were today I would not willingly follow a total stranger I'd just met in a bar out to his car to "smoke a joint".

In incident one I was repeatedly and violently raped for hours by the two men that I "knew" as they laughed and laughed (they were high on something, who knows what) Obviously I did not "know" them well.  I should have left with my friends when they left.

In the second incident I was abducted (no door handle on the passenger side of his van)  driven away, beaten and raped, and then dumped in the street to find my own way back to the bar.

Ladies, especially young ones who think you are safe where you live - PLEASE be careful.  Please don't be embarrassed to travel in groups, there truly is safety in numbers.  Please do NOT go anywhere with a guy you don't know, even if its just to the parking lot when your friends are inside the bar...it could save your life.

12 Year Old Girl Forced to Have Sex and Sell Drugs

Julio Louis Cortes

A  disgusting story.  I am glad he's caught.  Sometimes I wonder why I force myself to read these reports and learn of these atrocities, but I believe its better to shed light into dark corners and reveal what's really there than to ignore what's going on.  We need to protect our children.  No one - man, woman, or child, is safe these days, but mostly women and children.

Read the rest of the story here at OCR.

Tears of Anger - Annie Le's Body Found

I don't always get emotionally choked up over these stories...okay that's a lie, I do, over all of them, but some more so than others.

I am ANGRY.   I don't claim to have answers, but something has to be done about the frequency of murders against women.  This young lady wrote a paper about how women should stay safe, learn self defense, etc.  I say BS!  That is something very positive to do but its ridiculous to think that following safety tip or knowing self defense makes a difference, Annie's death proves that.

There are sick male predators out there - perhaps if they were punished more severely, if they were somehow weeded out?  I don't know.  It just makes me sick that NO ONE is safe anywhere.  This is why I advocate gun ownership.  Maybe we all need to walk around armed and dangerous to stay safe (yes, I am am being facetious...but I do support the right to bear arms and own firearms).

Rest in peace to this young woman, and my heart aches for her fiance, family and friends.

It Doesn't Look Good for Annie Le

The news reports are not saying her body was found, but they have found bloody clothes.  Its tragic.

This is wrong on so many levels

Cesar Martin Gomez

Man charged in murder of prostitute had been deported 3 times Police say that DNA material found at hotel after killing matches that of Cesar Gomez, 34.

full story here

Bible study leader charged with molesting boys

Man accused of sexual assaults on male relatives, who were 11.

By ANDREW GALVIN

The Orange County Register

A Westminster man who hosted Bible study meetings at his home has been charged with sexually assaulting two boys, prosecutors said today.

James Guerrero, 50, is to be arraigned Friday on seven felony counts of lewd acts upon a child younger than 14 and one felony count of distributing pornography to a minor, the Orange County District Attorney's Office said in a news release.

The two victims, who are relatives of Guerrero, were both 11 years old when the molestations began, prosecutors said. Both attended regular Bible study meetings at Guerrero's Westminster home, they said.

The molestations occurred between 2006 and 2008, prosecutors said. In July 2009, one of the boys disclosed the molestations to family members, who encouraged him to report the sexual assaults to the Westminster police. The police investigated the case and discovered the other victim, prosecutors said.

Anyone who might know of other possible victims is asked to call Supervising District Attorney Investigator Tim Craig at 714-347-8558 or Westminster Police Detective Allen Aoki at 714-898-3315.

Guerrero, who is being held in lieu of $1 million bail, faces a maximum sentence of 90 years and eight months to life in state prison if convicted on all the allegations, prosecutors said.

Why Was He Out in the First Place?

Well, here we go again. Another registered sex offender running around unsupervised doing whatever the hell he pleases. He raped a real estate agent when she was showing him a home. His past arrests did not keep him where he belongs: incarcerated. Thank God he did not murder this woman and thank her for doing the write thing and reporting this predator.

I also noticed the typical "MO" on this guy: he lives with his mother. Please be aware of grown men who live with their mothers, its a reoccurring theme in many sex offenders lives.

Good Work Dad and Daughter!

Alfredo Granados Canchola

There are two things that stand out to me in this story, which can be read in full here.

1) The 10 year old that was approached by this guy ran and told her dad who had time to run out to the alley and catch most of the license plate on his car. Brave little girl, fast acting daddy. They stopped this predator from abducting more girls.

2) The 13 year old girl got in the car with him and jumped from the moving vehicle to escape. The 16 year old girl got in the car with him and was not so lucky, she was assaulted but was rescued by a male friend at some point during the attack.

My questions:

Don't all parents teach their children NEVER to go anywhere or accept a ride with a stranger?
Assuming the answer to that is "yes', then why do so many kids/teens still do it?

When I was as young as 14 I hitchhiked alone frequently. It was stupid but back in the 70's it was not that uncommon. The only time someone pulled a move was when there were THREE of us in the car with him (he was stupid) we jumped out at a stop sign and ran. BUT in hitchhiking, I was ASKING for a ride. Would I have gotten in a car with a stranger? Probably. Why? Because kids think "it will never happen to me" or are truly naive enough to not even suspect the danger.

All we can do is keep warning them. I hate sharing negative stories like this one with children, but I think we need to do more to make them aware of the dangers. I do this with my son when it comes to drunk driving or motorcycle accidents, like it or not, he hears about every one I read to pound it into his head that it could happen to him if he's not careful.

330 Years Sounds Fair to Me

Jamie Martinez

From the OC Register (highlights mine)

BY LARRY WELBORN

The Orange County Register

SANTA ANA A Buena Park man was sentenced to 330 years to life in prison today for sexually assaulting four girls, ages 5 to 11.

Jaime Martinez, 37, pleaded guilty before Superior Court Judge James A. Stotler in July as his trial was under way on 32 felony counts – including rape – involving young girls in his family.

One of the victims reported the abuse in December 2006 when she was 9, according to a news release from the Orange County District Attorney's Office. The girl said she had been sexually abused her since she was 5, including in the restroom of her elementary school.

The girl told police that Martinez also hit her and showed her a gun, saying he would hurt her and others in the family if she told anyone about the abuse, prosecutors said.

Buena Park police investigated and identified three other girls, ages 6, 9 and 11, who were also being molested.

New Blog To Check Out:

I'd like to share you with you a brand new blog. It's written by a young woman that I've had the privilege (and fun) of getting to know recently, its not your average "what's going on in my life" blog,. Carrie courageously shares her about something that is both personal and painful. I will let you read it for yourself rather than try to explain it but I will say that we "met" via my blog, "A Place to Talk About Rape" when she found the newspaper article there about the man who has turned her world into a nightmare (at times).

Over the years I have met several young women that have overcome huge challenges, addictions, situations, etc. and have used the negatives in their lives to make them stronger. I always prayed that my past and the things that happened to me (or by me) would someday be used for good to help others. I can see that happening with Carrie, she's gusty, smart, determined and compassionate. As I get to know her I have to keep reminding myself how young she actually is because she is very wise for a teenager and already has some great goals and plans for her future (which there is no doubt in my mind she will accomplish).

I respect her for stepping out and writing a blog. I hope you will visit her:

My Life, A Not So Straight and Narrow Path

Bad, Bad Teachers - a new link on my sidebar

A friend sent me a link to a site she found and I've added it here.  The title of the site says it all but here is how they describe themselves:

As you probably guessed from the name of this site, its focus is upon educators accused of behaving badly and in various and sundry ways, usually criminal in nature.
Hardly a day goes by that the news media is not reporting on yet another teacher school employee run amok and often students are victimized in the process.
This site exists not to glorify bad behavior but rather to shed light upon a serious problem and one which appears to be getting worse with each passing month and year.

Its the same reason I have this blog - a place to talk about the ugliness of sexual crimes and abuse.  Its intent is to educate, warn and bring awareness to this growing problem.

Sadly, we have to protect ourselves at all times:

Adrian Montano Fuerte

Mechanic guilty of assaulting women in auto pit He abused five women after luring them into a service bay under the pretense of showing them where repairs were needed on their cars.

Full story in OC Register here.