Saturday, January 22, 2011

Life Is Not Fair

When a child is sexually abused, no matter what age, their childhood is stolen and the course of their life changes.  The victim lives with the after affects as the predator, the offender, the monster, moves on to his/her next victim.

No matter what age, child or adult, something very twisted happens in our psyche when someone assaults us sexually.  We are 100% innocent, not at fault in any way, but more often than not one of the after effects is feeling ashamed, guilty and sometimes even as if we asked for it.

This is a heartbreaking tragedy.

Humiliation, fear, anger, shame, self blame, anxiety, self loathing, a sense of being ruined and dirty, lack of self worth.

All these things, and more, lead to a person not having the opportunity to have a healthy self esteem.  It can lead to promiscuity; hatred of the opposite sex; a belief that the only thing valuable about themselves as a person is their sexuality.

I hate the word victim because there is no positive association with that word.  I like to help victims change their way of thinking and start to call themselves "survivors".  Yes - we were victims, but we survived.  If we continue living as victims the other person (people) won and we continue to suffer day in and day out.

Its a lifelong battle and its so unfair.

Its unfair when a child is diagnosed with cancer.  They lose their childhood too.  They live with all sorts of pain and fear.  But people are their to love and support them through it.  They never feel it was their fault they got cancer.  They don't feel like less of a person.  It won't change the types of relationships they have in the future.

And - they are looked at with compassion or even respect for fighting the battle.

A girl who was raped, a boy who was molested, they typically live with their secret.  They tell no one.  Its too horrible to talk about.  They fear what will happen to them if they tell.

If someone does find out - they are looked at with pity or more likely, they are avoided or the subject is glossed over in denial because no one wants to address it, its too damn ugly.

So...please understand that you are a victim that is also a survivor.  Don't let the monsters win, fight for your self worth, work through your anger, accept the unfairness.

Talk to someone who understands...someone who knows how it feels.  You can take your life back.  It will never be 100% gone the emotional wounds heal goes on but the scars never completely fade, they are a lifelong reminder.

I'm sorry life is so unfair and that so many children lose their innocence.  I wish I knew a way to make it all just stop.