Saturday, July 23, 2011

A young boy that never recovered from rape....

For some reason, sexual abuse against males of any age is not talked about as openly as abuse against female victims.  Last year Oprah did a phenomenal show on the topic where hundreds of men showed up in her audience with photos of themselves at the age they were raped or molested, many shared how it affected their lives.  Its the kind of thing that, unfortunately, we need to teach our children about and watch for constantly (how sad is that?)

Earlier this year Bill Zeller (above) ended his own life.  He shared why in this agonizing suicide letter.  He was never able to move beyond what he refers to as "the darkness" (being raped starting at age 7).

Reading his letter broke my heart.  How many others are out there carrying their secrets and suffering in silence?  How many believe death is the only option to escape the pain?  How many want a healthy loving relationship and children but are unable to fulfill that dream due to their inner demons?  All because evil sick people roam free, seeking out their prey: children.

Children who are afraid to tell anyone continue to live abused and are ripped apart physically and emotionally.  It has to end!!!!  But how?  How can we stop it when we don't even know half the time that its happening?

This reminds me of one of the most chilling things I ever heard.  It was during a segment on child sexual abuse in the SAVA* Training I received.  Two police officers came to speak with us.  They drilled home the point that a HUGE PERCENTAGE of sexual abuse to children was perpetrated by people that were close to them.

Then the played it....a recording they did in a sting operation when a young boy finally told his mother that on his weekends at dad's house, bad things were happening.  The officers wanted to nail this dude so they decided that getting a taped confession was the way to go.  They coached the little boy and then had him call his dad.

I heard him telling his dad he didn't want to come to his house anymore, (this is the abbreviated version of their conversation) and when the dad asked why the little boy said "because I don't want you putting your penis inside me anymore".  I think everyone in the class had a strong reaction to hearing that - one woman cried, many gasped.  I felt like throwing up and then beating the crap out of this monster.  Anyhow - the dad admitted on the phone that he had indeed been raping his own young son.  That little boy was brave and did the right thing, he had to turn against his dad, (who called him Buddy and seemed like a normal dad on the surface) and send him to jail.  Most little kids are threatened or somehow convinced that what they are doing is a special secret in order for them not to tell anyone.

Its enough to make you want castration to be the first thing we do to sexual deviants rather than throw an ankle bracelet on them and hope for the best.  Sigh.  Things have to change.

Teach your children, protect them, watch for any signs that something is wrong, because there very well could be.

*Sexual Assault Victim Advocate


Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

I find it most disturbing and heartbreaking when an actual blood parent is the perp. It just baffles me. My gut reaction is a bullet in their head, nah that's too easy, lets stake them out in the desert and let them die of exposure. Cruel and unusual? Nah, the punishment fits the crime.

He called him Buddy? I want to cry or vomit or both.

Bar L. said...

Mike, I agree. Mike Zeller never names his abuser but I kept wondering if it was his father. Did you read his letter? Its long, but it drew me in. He was a brilliant, successful guy that couldn't overcome what happened in his childhood - and who can blame him for not wanting to live such a tortured life?

Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

I didn't read his letter, I have to be in the right state to read such things, which is almost never.

Bar L. said...

I understand. He doesn't get graphic about anything, he talks about how it caused him to be unable to have relationships, to be friendly, etc.

I called him Mike...I meant BILL. Sigh. sad sad sad

Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

I knew what you meant. :-) said...

I read his letter and i know exactly what this man was feeling. I feel it every single day of my life. I wouldn't say i'm suicidal but if i did die i'm ok with that.

The words he wrote I could write myself. Alone, disabled and beyond sick of this life.

People claim if he would have gotten help and medication he would be better. I've been in Therapy for more years then I care. I've been on medications too many to count. I still wish this life was over.

I'm sorry another human (Bill) had to endure life like I do every day.

Bar L. said...

Many, I'm so sorry you feel this way. I've been suicidal several times, I know that feeling that nothing could possibly make me feel better so why bother continuing? I hope that you do find something that helps you, whatever it may be. Its sad to know you are out there feeling this way.

Three years ago I lost one of my best friends to suicide. He couldn't find peace or contentment. The dark cloud was with him at all times. It was shocking that he actually went through with it, but not surprising. I miss him so much.

I'm glad you shared here. You can write me at my email if you want someone to talk to.