The Penn State Bullshit

Does the blogosphere really need one more opinion on what went down at Penn State this week?  Probably not, but here I am anyhow.

I am disgusted and appalled that so many people are defending Coach Paterno.  I think he should not only be fired, but be charged with "________________" (whatever you would call ignoring a crime that allows young boys to be RAPED).

To me, not much needs to be said.  Its obvious.  Sports mattered more, and still do to some, than the lives of vulnerable young boys that were having their lives completely altered in a horrifying way by a monster.  How many boys could have been saved if the men who knew about the rapes would have followed up with the authorities?

What more is there to be said.  Its outrageous.

Women Are Sexual Predators Too

This article is from the Orange County Register. In brief, this woman was arrested for having unlawful sex with a minor under the age of 16, and lewd acts with a minor under the age of 14 (the child was 8 years old!).
Its much less common for a female to be a sexual predators, but they are out there and in some ways are more dangerous because they are less suspect. This woman has probably been up to this most of her adult life. I feel sorry for her son to have to go through the humiliation of having his mom's face all over the front page of our county newpaper and on the TV news. So many victims...sad.

LAGUNA NIGUEL – A 44-year-old hockey mother was arrested on suspicion of having unlawful sex and committing lewd acts with members of her son's youth hockey team, authorities said.

Katia Maria Davis, of Laguna Niguel, was arrested last Wednesday at her home on suspicion of having unlawful sex with a minor under 16 and committing lewd acts with a minor under 14, said Orange County Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino. She posted bail and was released later that day.

Katia Maria Davis, of Laguna Niguel, was arrested last Wednesday at her home on suspicion of having unlawful sex with a minor under 16 and committing lewd acts with a minor under 14, said Orange County Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino. She posted bail and was released later that day.

COURTESY OF THE ORANGE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT

Both victims are members of the youth hockey team, the Beach City Lightning, which her son played in, Amormino said. The teams played at a hockey rink in Anaheim and Laguna Niguel.

The investigation began last week after the first victim, the boy under 16, came forward to his mother, Amormino said.

"We received complaints that she was throwing parties for members of the hockey team and other friends of her son and providing them with alcohol," Amormino said.

Davis is accused of engaging in unlawful sex with the victim for the past year and a half, Amormino said.

During the course of the investigation, the second victim, the boy under 14, was located, Amormino added. It is believed that Davis committed the lewd acts about six years ago.

Investigators fear there may be more victims, Amormino said.

A young boy that never recovered from rape....

For some reason, sexual abuse against males of any age is not talked about as openly as abuse against female victims.  Last year Oprah did a phenomenal show on the topic where hundreds of men showed up in her audience with photos of themselves at the age they were raped or molested, many shared how it affected their lives.  Its the kind of thing that, unfortunately, we need to teach our children about and watch for constantly (how sad is that?)

Earlier this year Bill Zeller (above) ended his own life.  He shared why in this agonizing suicide letter.  He was never able to move beyond what he refers to as "the darkness" (being raped starting at age 7).

Reading his letter broke my heart.  How many others are out there carrying their secrets and suffering in silence?  How many believe death is the only option to escape the pain?  How many want a healthy loving relationship and children but are unable to fulfill that dream due to their inner demons?  All because evil sick people roam free, seeking out their prey: children.

Children who are afraid to tell anyone continue to live abused and are ripped apart physically and emotionally.  It has to end!!!!  But how?  How can we stop it when we don't even know half the time that its happening?

This reminds me of one of the most chilling things I ever heard.  It was during a segment on child sexual abuse in the SAVA* Training I received.  Two police officers came to speak with us.  They drilled home the point that a HUGE PERCENTAGE of sexual abuse to children was perpetrated by people that were close to them.

Then the played it....a recording they did in a sting operation when a young boy finally told his mother that on his weekends at dad's house, bad things were happening.  The officers wanted to nail this dude so they decided that getting a taped confession was the way to go.  They coached the little boy and then had him call his dad.

I heard him telling his dad he didn't want to come to his house anymore, (this is the abbreviated version of their conversation) and when the dad asked why the little boy said "because I don't want you putting your penis inside me anymore".  I think everyone in the class had a strong reaction to hearing that - one woman cried, many gasped.  I felt like throwing up and then beating the crap out of this monster.  Anyhow - the dad admitted on the phone that he had indeed been raping his own young son.  That little boy was brave and did the right thing, he had to turn against his dad, (who called him Buddy and seemed like a normal dad on the surface) and send him to jail.  Most little kids are threatened or somehow convinced that what they are doing is a special secret in order for them not to tell anyone.

Its enough to make you want castration to be the first thing we do to sexual deviants rather than throw an ankle bracelet on them and hope for the best.  Sigh.  Things have to change.

Teach your children, protect them, watch for any signs that something is wrong, because there very well could be.

*Sexual Assault Victim Advocate

Men Are Also Victims of Rape

Its certainly not as common, but it happens.  This article is about a murder trial that is in process. The accused also raped a male last year.  All the while he was under probation rather than behind bars where he belonged.

This is the perfect example that there is something wrong with our justice system.  The jails are full on non-violent drug offenders and this creep is running loose, able to murder and rape.

Coach Caught with Child Pornography

Once again the same scenario - a guy working at a job that involves young boys to give him access to them. The article doesn't say anything about a past record or accuse him of any acts other than having child porn (of boys).

Its very sad that we have to suspect men (and sometimes women) who choose to coach, teach or volunteer with our youth. But that's the MO of most pedophiles. What a shame for the legitimate people who want to make an impact and help/teach/mentor young people.

I'm glad that there are task forces in place to investigate. Lets hope they caught this guy before he acted out and can keep a close eye on him from here on out. Anyone want to make a wager on whether or not he was a victim of a pedophile in his youth? I'll bet my entire savings on it.

Full Story Here

Men Get Raped Too

I mentioned in an earlier post that men are victims of approximately 15% of all rapes. Usually its a heterosexual male raping another heterosexual male - again a reminder: rape is NOT about sex, its about control, anger, violence....

I just heard from a friend about a man who was held for 24 hours at The Burning Man Festival and raped repeatedly during that time. How horrific. I don't know the details, and I don't want to.

The Burning Man Festival has had a lot of controversy surrounding it, they claim its about art and radical self expression - well I hope whoever radically expressed themselves by raping this young man spend time burning in jail.

Endless Cycle

Lacey left a comment sharing about her cousin was molested by a priest as a child and how it ruined his entire life.

I wish she was exaggerating. I wish her comment was shocking.

But its neither, its common and its rampant.

In the case of Lacey's cousin it sounds as if he turned to alcohol and homosexuality and died of liver disease at the age of 39.

In many cases, male victims become the next generation of offenders. Then there are minority of boys and girls who grow up to live healthy lives.

Will the cycle ever end? That's one reason for this blog. The more people talk about these horrible subjects the more aware they are....and perhaps they can save the children that they know from becoming victims. That's the only hope I see

less victims now = less predators in the future

Male Victims of Sexual Abuse

Last night's class was very informative and interesting. The first hour and a half we learned about how to talk specifically with boys and male adolescents.

Sexual abuse affects them very differently than girls because the majority of perpetrators are also male. So in addition to the trauma, humiliation, fear and anger one naturally goes through - these boys also wonder if this will make them homosexual, or maybe make them think they are homosexual because they experienced pleasure.

IMPORTANT FACT: Our bodies are designed to respond to pleasure. As difficult as it is to comprehend, even in the midst of a violent act such as rape or molestation, the victim may experience pleasure physically. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THEY ENJOY IT. It is a physical response to stimulus. They can be crying, angry and hurt and still be aroused.

Obviously in boys this is a more obvious response. This confuses them and makes them feel sickened with themselves for having that reaction physically while being violated. Its one of the thing that makes it difficult for them to report.

The average age for a boy to be sexually abused is between 6 - 14. At this age boys have an entirely different set of fears in addition to the fears that the girls have because of the same sex issues involved.

Its really very sad because our justice system does not seem to have the same sympathy for boys as girls....that is UNACCEPTABLE...and people are working to change it.

I will finish this later.