Men Walk A Mile In Women's Shoes - Literally!

The woman interviewed in this, Dawn, is the one who taught the SAVA (sexual assault victim advocate) classes I took.  She's on my top ten list of people I admire.

Drawing the Line Between "Victim" and "Offender"

People often tell me that I am compassionate, fair and empathetic.  That I have the ability to look at situations from both sides and therefore am open minded.  Well I'd just like to go on the record of saying - that's true but I don't know if its a blessing or a curse.  I suppose a  bit of both.

I debated on whether or not to write this blog post.  I have to ask myself if I am biased because I've met the young man accused in this case.  I can honestly say that no - that has not formed my opinion, its just reminded me that every story has two sides and more importantly - that many offenders were once victims themselves.

Here is the situation:  A 16 year old boy is accused of raping a 2 year old girl.  That sounds horrific.  It sounds inhuman, sick, evil.  A few days ago it was announced that this young man, Chris, will be tried as an adult and his name and photo were on the front page of the local newspaper.

If you were to read the story you would most likely conclude that Chris needs to be locked up and never allowed around a child again.  You would think he was guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt (if you read the mother's story - which I'm sure everyone in Racine, Wisconsin has).

"Christopher (I took his last name out), 16, was charged Friday with first-degree sexual assault of a child under the age of 12. If convicted, he faces up to 60 years imprisonment, which includes time in prison or on extended supervision.

*********'s case was waived into adult court on Thursday; he had previously been charged as a juvenile. Judge Stephen Simanek, who granted the waiver request, said a primary concern for him was the five-year maximum sentence ******* would have faced as a juvenile. In the adult system, the maximum sentence is 12 times that amount."

I believe it was wrong for the paper to print his photo and this  article.  He should be protected as a juvenile, he has rights too.  Chris may be 16 but he is a very immature kid, with learning disabilities who, when I met him, appeared to be about 12 or 13, he does not seem like a teenager let alone an adult.

Also, why would he try to sexually molest this little girl?  Normal 16 year old boys don't have a desire for 2 year old girls.  NORMAL.  Chris is a victim of child molestation.  He was not born with this sick, twisted compulsion.  He is a victim too.  In almost every case of pedophilia the offender was once a victim.

I agree that we need to do all we can to protect children from these people (usually men).  I think Chris is old enough to know that what he did (if he did it) is wrong.  But should he be treated as an adult based on his crime?  Or should the court take into consideration that he is still a child himself - confused, immature and damaged.

The other side of this story is the credibility of the mother of the victim. Did she make this up to cover up for one of the many men that she's let live with her and her daughter?  Criminals, drug addicts and child molesters?!!!!  Does it matter that the mother has a history of lying and being a drama queen that constantly seeks attention?  Would it make a difference to know her original story changed three times or that she has a criminal background herself or that she sees money to be made by exploiting what happened to her daughter?

I didn't see any of that in the paper.  I know about it because I know the people involved and a close friend of mine is in the middle.  He may be forced to "take sides" and doesn't want to.  He's known Chris since the day he was born and he's related to the accusers.  How does he choose sides when he knows that the accusers are very shady characters that would use something like this to their own advantage?

Its just very sad.  Its sad for the little girl, at age two, who may or may not have been abused (rape kit was inconclusive so there is no hard evidence in this case).  I do believe Chris did something to her - I don't know what.  But why?  Because someone did something to him.

If he is guilty, I hope they do all they can to keep him away from children.  If studies and statistics are correct, there is little chance for him to be rehabilitated if he truly is a pedophile.  Its an endless cycle of abused becoming abusers.

My hope is that Chris gets a fair trial.  That he gets the treatment he needs and deserves.  I also hope that the mother is not allowed to capitalize in any way by selling her story or being paid for interviews.  I can see her jumping at an opportunity to do that.

But most of all, I hope that the little girl is okay.  I hope that someone will investigate to see if she is safe in that home.  I hope that she will not be scarred for life because of what another child did to her, acting out of his own past abuse.

Its ugly and sad from any angle.

I've Got News for you, Kyle Nachreiner! You Are Paying for Your Crime - Get Over It!

In today's OC Register Kyle Nachreiner is having a public pity party.  The poor guy is bummed out that he can't get women to date him because he's a convicted sex offender.  Once someone notices the GPS device on his ankle they lose interest - hmm, I wonder why?

would you want your daughter or sister dating Kyle?

He is one of the three men that were convicted of a brutal, exceptionally demoralizing rape of an unconscious girl.  There is no doubt he participated - they recorded the entire incident on videotape:

On July 5, 2002, when he was 17, Nachreiner and two other male teenagers, Gregory Haidl and Keith Spann, sexually assaulted a seemingly unconscious teenage girl in the Corona del Mar home of Haidl's father, then-Assistant Sheriff Don Haidl. The trio videotaped the episode, a 21-minute movie that shows the friends laughing as they shove a pool cue, a lit cigarette, a juice can and Snapple bottle inside the girl as she lay intoxicated on a pool table.

Now Kyle is crying about how unfair this is, boo hoo.  He says:

"I went from being in the paper for playing varsity baseball as a freshman to being in the paper for a rape case."

Well, Kyle, if you hadn't committed the rape you wouldn't have this reputation.  But you did.  And you will forever be connected with this case.  Maybe you should have been the one to say "this is not a good idea, lets not rape this unconscious girl with lit cigarettes, pool cues and Snapple bottles."

Then he has the audacity to say this, this is just incredible to me:

Nachreiner, though, may appeal his case to the state Supreme Court. He says it is unfair for him to endure the punishment of being tagged as a sex offender until he dies.

"I served my time. I went to prison. Now, I'm stuck with that label.

"Psychologically, it's devastating. It's the worst form of degradation there is."

WHAT?????  Its the worst form of degradation there is?  WTF?  He thinks of HIMSELF as a victim in this case!  That's hysterical and nauseating.

Thankfully we don't know the name of the victim in this case, but you know darn well all her friends, family, neighbors, classmates and many others DO KNOW who she is.  SHE knows who she is. SHE has to live with this for the rest of HER life!

I've written about this case several times, check the labels for "Greg Haidl".  I will end here before I blow a gasket.  Don't get me started on how unfair this trial was due to blaming of the victim AND due to the fact that these three rich boys got special consideration since one was related to the Deputy Sheriff or our County.

Westminister Detective Arrested for Rape

Two police officers car-jack, kidnap and rape a 24 year old.  Nice.  I hope that if they are convicted and sent to jail I hope they experience the same treatment as the other inmates from the officers that work in that jail.  They were extremely rude and harsh with me as a visitor - so you can imagine how the inmates are treated.  I also hope that they are put in general population and the other inmates can intimidate and scare and rape them in the same way they did this young woman.  IF they are found guilty.  You know what I learned last year, "innocent until proven guilty" is a joke in our judicial system.  Its the other way around.

Here are the details from the Orange County Register:

WESTMINSTER – An off-duty Westminster police detective and a state corrections officer were arrested Saturday night in connection with a carjacking, kidnapping and rape of a 24-year-old restaurant employee in Ontario, police said.

Anthony Nicholas Orban, 30, a five-year officer assigned to investigations with the Westminster Police Department, has been relieved from duty during the investigation, a department spokesman said Monday morning.

The other suspect is Jeff Thomas Jelenek, 30, an officer with the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, according to San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department booking records.

The arrests were first reported by the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin late Sunday.

Sgt. Dan Schoonmaker, of the Westminster Police Department, confirmed the details in the Daily Bulletin story, saying it was the same information his department has received from Ontario police.

A police service weapon found in the restaurant worker's car led authorities to Orban.

This month the topic will be in the media more than any other time of year (hopefully).  Here is a link to the official site.

Unfortunately statistics say that it happens to one in every four girls.  So you do know victims that have been abused, and you may know future targets of abuse/assault that can be spared.

I think parents especially need to be hyper-vigilant about knowing who their children (boys and girls) are spending time with.  Sadly, when children are involved, nine times out of ten its someone that knows the child and/or family.  If you look through my blog you will see story after story that involve baseball coaches, teachers, church workers, priests, neighbors, babysitters, piano teachers, gymnastic instructors, track coaches, family friends, soccer coaches, Sunday school teachers, relatives...and the worst of all the child's own parent.

My suggestion is to teach our children the basic safety rules we all grew up with about not talking to strangers, telling a parent or teacher if an anyone touches them inappropriately, etc.  But we have to be careful not to scare them to death with the endless possibilities and cause unnecessary fear.  Parents have to do their part to keep their kids protected.

We can't be with our kids 24/7 but when they are young we should know where they are, who they are with, and that they are not in any vulnerable situations.

A blog friend has a blog called "fallen from grace" about her personal experience growing up with abuse.  There is an excellent post there today called "Identifying Sexual Abuse".  I've done research, read books and had training in this area and her has info I've never seen before.

So anyhow, I just wanted to call your attention to this issue and do my part to spread the word.  Thanks.