Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How Many Sex Offenders Does it Take to Ruin a Neighborhood?

Apparently the city ofLong Beach, CA thinks its okay to house 12 - 14 of them in the same building which is in a family neighborhood and conveniently has a day care center directly behind it.


The sad fact of the matter is this:

Time and research has shown again and again that very rarely is a sex offender rehabilitated. They have an attraction to whatever it is that they do, for whatever reason they do it. Research also shows that most offenders strike again - its rarely a one-time thing.

Putting 12 men in this apartment together is wrong. The building owner receives $400 a month per person he houses there, so we know what his motivation is.

My question for him, "Do you have children? Would you move in next door to your own building with your wife and kids?"

It's dangerous. Its a temptation for these guys even if they have the best of intentions. Coupled with the fact that they are around 11 other men like them - that could lead to encouragement to go out there and find a victim.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Katie Couric Blew It

I never did understand what the big deal about Katie Couric is.

Check out this post on "Abyss of Hope" its good.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Who Lives Inside the Pedophile?

It's so easy to label someone and judge them for their behavior or personality. Without knowing a person's "story" we can't possibly know if there are factors in their life that have significantly molded them into who they are.

I am guilty of this every time I drive by the house on the corner of my street. I get so mad at the registered sex offender who lives there. I judge him, I hate him, I think he's evil. It makes me mad to see him living a life of luxury with a beautiful wife and two young children. It pisses me off that he has so many toys (boat, motorcycle, etc.) I think he deserves to be in prison.

But then I have to ask myself - - - why did he sexually abuse a child? I would bet my savings account that he was molested as a child himself (my savings is small, but that's not the point).

That's the true tragedy here - the more often it happens now, the more often it will happen in the future. Predators create predators.

So If I met Derek the sex offender when he was a boy - I would probably not hate him. He would be one of the people that I care so much about helping.

I have a hard time justifying NOT despising rapists, molesters and abusers. But peeling away all the layers usually you will find inside an abused boy or girl. That's just sad. That is what has to stop.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Men Get Raped Too

I mentioned in an earlier post that men are victims of approximately 15% of all rapes. Usually its a heterosexual male raping another heterosexual male - again a reminder: rape is NOT about sex, its about control, anger, violence....

I just heard from a friend about a man who was held for 24 hours at The Burning Man Festival and raped repeatedly during that time. How horrific. I don't know the details, and I don't want to.

The Burning Man Festival has had a lot of controversy surrounding it, they claim its about art and radical self expression - well I hope whoever radically expressed themselves by raping this young man spend time burning in jail.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Latest on the Natalee Holloway Case

I was just watching a news segment on the video tape of Joran van der Sloot and at the same time I received a comment from a friend asking my opinion on it.

Glad you asked, Aprha, here are my thoughts:

Several things bother me about the case. It seemed obvious to me from the start that
Joran van der Sloot was probably at fault but I wondered what his motive would be to kill her. I thought maybe he raped her and killed her so to protect himself, or more likely that she somehow accidentally died during their encounter.
So it was VERY disturbing to hear that she MAY have been alive when he decided to have her body dumped! I don't understand that at all! Why would he do that...unless as you said, Aphra, he gave her date rape drugs.

If it was consensual sex there would be no reason for him to try to cover it up. Her life could have been saved if indeed she was still alive.

Of course now he is saying that he was lying on the tape. I don't think so, but I suppose it could be true. I wish they could find her body and determine the exact cause of death, that would make a big difference.

Two additional things that disturb me about this are:

1) that young people equate "fun" with partying. I wish that would change. Drinking and doing drugs, like it or not, makes people more vulnerable to all kinds of trouble.

2) when Natalee "went missing" I remember one newscaster making a big point out how she was getting so much media attention because she is white and pretty. I wished that weren't true but in all the cases I have followed it does seem that other missing women don't get as much attention as pretty white girls. That's sick and wrong. There are two I can think of off the top of my head that I heard about and then....nothing. They are forgotten, and I know for sure one is still missing because she's local and I can look at her parents website.

So, those are my thoughts. I think he's guilty and most likely used date rape drugs.

Helpful Info:

I saw this information over at Holly's Fight for Justice Blog.

I think young women need to be taught these things.

When dose rape occur?

When you least suspect it, like in the company of a trusted friend.
When your guard is not up like when your sleeping, ill, on medication, drunk, or cannot physically defend yourself. Anytime, anywhere, alone, or in a group.
Institutions like jail, juvenile hall, etc.

Who gets raped?

Male and female; infants, children, teens, adults, handicaped, and the elderly.

Have A Plan

1. Always tell your family or friends where you are going and with who, giving them as much information as possible about the person, like their address, Lic. plate number, make model of vehicle, phone number, place of employment, where born, stuff like that so in case something bad dose happened your friends and family will be better equipped to inform the police about the possible suspect.

2. Mace, throwing an object, making a loud notice, can in an instant give you a second to run to safety, but that doesn't always work as every circumstance and every perpetrator is different, as some perpetrators become more violent the more you resist, but at least have a plan.

3. If you go out to parties take a trusted proven friend with you so can take care of each other, and try not to go to the restroom alone, as some perpetrators look for opportunities there too.

4. If you don't have a dad or brothers, try not to tell people that, in fact telling them that your dad is a cop, or that you have a lot of brothers can be a deterant in some cases.

5. Anytime your at a party, bar, or any place, be especially aware of your drink, your food, your medication, even your cigarettes, try never to leave such items unattended even just for a little while, as that is all it takes for someone to drug you, and to create an opportunity.

What do you do if you are raped?


If the rapist knows where you live call a trusted relative or friend, and go to their house and make sure that the perpetrator doesn't follow you there.


If you were raped don't shower, wash your hands, brush your hair, or even brush your teeth, as your body is a crime scene. Call the police and your local rape crisis center, they are there to help you, even if the rapist is a family member or someone known to you. You can ask the doctor who is to collect the evidence for a sedative to help you go through the process easier. Make sure you get an HIV test to prove you are not currently infected with HIV, if the rapist transmitted HIV to you it will show up in about 3 months or more, ask many questions, document everything.

Male victims and victims who have been abused since childhood will tend to have greater difficulty reporting this type of crime than others, nevertheless it is advisable to talk to someone about it even if you decide not to reveal your identity at that particular time. But know that by bypassing an official report the perpetrator is likely to attack someone else, and should you change your mind in the future the police will not have the DNA evidence needed to prove your case.
Another good reason to report rape is in case you get infected with the HIV virus, which can take up to 3 months for medical professionals to confirm. Should you become infected due to the rape, you might be able to charge the rapist with a manslaughter paticularily if he knew he was HIV positive, you might also be able to sue him in civil court as well.


After an attack it's very important to get all the emotional support you can, wether you have reported the incident or not, you need to take care of your self. Call up your local rape crisis center for counseling, seek out a therapist or check out local support groups. Remember that no matter how careless, trusting, attractive, timid, or drunk you were, it's Not Your Fault!


Since President George W. Bush signed into law the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003 on September 4, 2003, there is hope is on the horizon for thousands of youth and adult victims of prisoner rape.

Counseling Therapists

If your a survivor please know that personal therapy is crucial to your well
being and recovery. Free counseling is available in USA through a non-
profit organization called VOCA.

Call your local rape crisis center to locate a VOCA counseling center near you.
USA Search http://www.rainn.org/counseling.html
or call the hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE

International Search http://www.rainn.org/rccs.html
Or see International Hot Line Phone Numbers

Monday, February 4, 2008

Helpless to Help

A friend of mine is trying to leave an abusive relationship. The thing is - you can't TRY to do anything, you have to do it or not do it. I am praying for her to leave because her boyfriend has all of the signs.

Friday, February 1, 2008

I lied about being raped

I have to get this out. This blog has become therapeutic for me, I told myself I was starting it to give others a place to talk about their experience and to educate people, but its becoming clear that its for me.

Ok, here is what happened tonight: I lied to a woman in my class. Well, I didn't lie, but I didn't tell the whole truth so it feels like a lie. I told her I had been raped. The truth is, I have been raped twice. But even now....34 frigging years after the first rape and 31 years after the second, I am still ashamed and embarrassed and feel a certain amount of self blame.

I was afraid it I told her that it had happened twice (because lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place, right?) that she would think I was exaggerating, or that I was never really raped, or that I must have been asking for it.

I am 48 frigging years old and am still feeling this way about something that happened to me when I was 14 and 17! That's insane, sad and wrong. And...it could have been avoided IF someone I would have talked about it then to the right person. But I didn't. And the people I talked to said asinine things to me that made it worse. I have been carrying around anger and resentment for them for years and just saw that tonight for the first time (and here I am, thinking I knew all there was to know about myself...ha, I guess I didn't!)

Here is what I wish would have happened, perhaps this would have promoted healing instead of leading me down a path of promiscuity and more tragedy.

Me: I was raped
Other Person (OP): Oh my gosh, how horrifying, that is awful, what happened?
Me: (shares the details, cries, shares more)
OP: Listens while nodding head and holding my hand
Me: Crying, talking, reliving the horror of it and FEELING HEARD AND CARED FOR
OP: I am so sorry this happened to you, its awful, its tragic, you must have been so scared, I am so very sorry....(holds me and lets me cry)

The incident still would have had a negative effect on me, but if this would have been the scenario I guarantee I WOULD HAVE HAD A MUCH HEALTHIER LIFE, I WOULD HAVE NOT SPENT YEARS AGONIZING IN GUILT AND SHAME. And most of all, I would understand that rape is a crime about violence and control - not sex.

that's all for now...