This post is to try and explain how feeling unsafe as a child, being molested and raped and raped again as a teen, can cause a young woman's life to take a turn towards ugliness and sorrow. It presents three paths:
- the path to hating men and sex
- the path to being strong and overcoming
- the path to believing that sex = love and becoming
I walked down the third path until my late 20's when I chose to end that cycle and become strong. Then at age 30 I accidentally got pregnant, and although I had had multiple abortions in my youth, this time it was never a question. I was going to be the best damn mother in the world.
I didn't date for 11 years. Met a guy, he hurt me and I fell right back into path number three, minus the sexual promiscuity. I didn't think I would EVER be able to trust a man. It took years to get to a place that I could open my heart and accept true love. Then I was hurt again.
So when people make light of sexual abuse and rape, I get furious. Some of us are scarred for life by the events of our past, that does not make us weak, it makes us human. Humans naturally do whatever they can to protect themselves, to cope.
So when you are talking to a woman who appears to be strong and handling her past sexual abuse/rape well, know that if she is, she's rare. Inside she probably hurts to this very day. She may wonder if she will ever be "normal" and experience relationships with men that are healthy. She may find comfort reaching out to others, she may be in denial, she may just continue to look for true love. I still believe it exists, I just don't know if it exists for me or not.