Sunday, July 12, 2020

Update 2020

It's been years since I wrote here.  This blog was a very special place to me and others for many years.   Due to life changes my focus changed from providing this blog as a safe place for women and men to talk about their experiences with sexual abuse and rape to writing about my son's heroin addiction.

If I die tomorrow I will feel that I did make a difference in at least two lives.  Two women I met here who remain closed to me still.  It was an honor to gain their trust and to walk with them through the pain, humiliation and trauma of sexual abuse/rape. 

I'm so grateful for the #MeToo movement.  I hope that some day I can once again use my training as a Sexual Assault  Victim Advocate, it's a passion and I miss connecting with others who have been affected by this type of assault. 

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Penn State Bullshit

Does the blogosphere really need one more opinion on what went down at Penn State this week?  Probably not, but here I am anyhow.

I am disgusted and appalled that so many people are defending Coach Paterno.  I think he should not only be fired, but be charged with "________________" (whatever you would call ignoring a crime that allows young boys to be RAPED).

To me, not much needs to be said.  Its obvious.  Sports mattered more, and still do to some, than the lives of vulnerable young boys that were having their lives completely altered in a horrifying way by a monster.  How many boys could have been saved if the men who knew about the rapes would have followed up with the authorities?

What more is there to be said.  Its outrageous.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sexual Abuse Among Clergymen

A blog I read has a feature on it called "The Morally Corrupt".  It lists all of the clergymen who have been arrested for various forms of sexual misconduct.  I know there are pedophiles and sexual predators in all walks of life, sadly many of them in roles that we tell our children should be able to trust (teachers, coaches, police officers, etc.).  But this, in my opinion most offensive, deplorable, disgusting misuse of trust and power I can think of.

Its also one of the most common.

Here is the list:

The Morally Corrupt

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Do You Carry Pepper Spray?

I'd like to think I am very safe where I live, my city is always in the top ten of "safest cities in the US" and usually in the top five. But crime can happen anywhere, at any time, to anyone. I feel safer knowing that if I have pepper spray, I have a much better chance of escaping an attacker. Sadly there are coyotes in my area that are being forced to eat small dogs and cats, so I also feel safer having it with me when I walk my small dog. I am on the coyote's side (we took their land, what do we expect?) but I would do anything to save my dog from being attacked.
FBI Statistical Crime Clock
Here is the site where I got my pepper spray: BuyPepperSpray.com Be safe - not sorry.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

15 Year Old Girl Raped, Help Captive by Man She Met Online

Article Tab: Jeffrey Thomas Sackman, 44, of Cathedral City.
Jeffrey Sackman

Does this look like someone a 15 year old girl would want to be involved with?  No.  That's because he spent two years posing as a 17 year old boy and finally lured her to his apartment.  

Parents:  PLEASE be aware of what your child is doing online.  I hear so many parents say that its invading their privacy to use spyware to see EVERYTHING that is going on, but its to protect them!  Until our children are 18 and/or move out of our homes, its our job to keep them safe from predators like this.

A 15-year-old Buena Park girl has been reunited with her mother after police say she ran away from home last week and was drugged and repeatedly raped by a man she met on a social networking site two years ago.
Jeffrey Thomas Sackman, 44, of the Palm Springs-area community of Cathedral City is accused of posing online as a 17-year-old Italian boy and luring the girl to his apartment in the 28200 block of Landau Boulevard, Cathedral City police Lt. Chuck Robinson said.
Rest of the story here.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Women Are Sexual Predators Too

This article is from the Orange County Register. In brief, this woman was arrested for having unlawful sex with a minor under the age of 16, and lewd acts with a minor under the age of 14 (the child was 8 years old!).
Its much less common for a female to be a sexual predators, but they are out there and in some ways are more dangerous because they are less suspect. This woman has probably been up to this most of her adult life. I feel sorry for her son to have to go through the humiliation of having his mom's face all over the front page of our county newpaper and on the TV news. So many victims...sad.

LAGUNA NIGUEL – A 44-year-old hockey mother was arrested on suspicion of having unlawful sex and committing lewd acts with members of her son's youth hockey team, authorities said.
Katia Maria Davis, of Laguna Niguel, was arrested last Wednesday at her home on suspicion of having unlawful sex with a minor under 16 and committing lewd acts with a minor under 14, said Orange County Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino. She posted bail and was released later that day.
Article Tab: minor-committing-posted-l
Katia Maria Davis, of Laguna Niguel, was arrested last Wednesday at her home on suspicion of having unlawful sex with a minor under 16 and committing lewd acts with a minor under 14, said Orange County Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino. She posted bail and was released later that day.
COURTESY OF THE ORANGE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT
Both victims are members of the youth hockey team, the Beach City Lightning, which her son played in, Amormino said. The teams played at a hockey rink in Anaheim and Laguna Niguel.
The investigation began last week after the first victim, the boy under 16, came forward to his mother, Amormino said.
"We received complaints that she was throwing parties for members of the hockey team and other friends of her son and providing them with alcohol," Amormino said.
Davis is accused of engaging in unlawful sex with the victim for the past year and a half, Amormino said.
During the course of the investigation, the second victim, the boy under 14, was located, Amormino added. It is believed that Davis committed the lewd acts about six years ago.
Investigators fear there may be more victims, Amormino said.




Sunday, September 18, 2011

Did You Send Me an Email?

I feel terrible about this - someone sent me an email recently after reading something here.  I wanted to reply when I had enough time so I starred it.  Somehow I have lost it!  I looked through all my folders and in my trash and the email has vanished.  If it was you, please write me again!

Thanks

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Reporting Rape



Excellent analogy!  This is why so many women don't bother reporting rape, because they know this is how they will be looked at by the police.  And those who are brave enough to file a report have to stand up to this kind of judgement in court.  When will it ever change?

Monday, July 25, 2011

Jason Marian Sex Offender in Mission Viejo

Jason Marian could be released in five months because his sentence was ONLY 2 years and 8 months.  Nice, another predator on the loose in Orange County.  Why do non-violent drug offenders who have done no harm to anyone (but themselves) get more time behind bars than scum like this dude?  I'm really angry and fed up (as usual) about how lenient we are with sexual predators and then act surprised when they strike again.

This guy is the dance instructor that lured his 12 - 14 year old students into his bathroom to change out of their bathing suits and was able to film them with a hidden camera.  He also coerced a 16 year girl (got her drunk) to have sex with him.



04/14/2007311.11(a) PCFPossess / control child pornographyNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
2004/14/2007311.4(c) PCFUse underage person for obscene matterNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
3004/14/2007311.4(c) PCFUse underage person for obscene matterNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
4004/14/2007311.4(c) PCFUse underage person for obscene matterNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
5004/01/2006647(k)(2) PCMInvade the privacy of anotherNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
6004/14/2007311.4(c) PCFUse underage person for obscene matterNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
7001/24/2006311.4(c) PCFUse underage person for obscene matterNOT GUILTY05/29/2009
8001/24/2006289(h) PCFSexual penetration by foreign object; victim under 18NOT GUILTY05/29/2009
9001/24/2006289(h) PCFSexual penetration by foreign object; victim under 18NOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
10001/24/2006288a(b)(1) PCFOral copulation of person under 18 yearsNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010
11001/24/2006288a(b)(1) PCFOral copulation of person under 18 yearsNOT GUILTY05/29/2009Found Guilty by Jury04/30/2010


Saturday, July 23, 2011

A young boy that never recovered from rape....



For some reason, sexual abuse against males of any age is not talked about as openly as abuse against female victims.  Last year Oprah did a phenomenal show on the topic where hundreds of men showed up in her audience with photos of themselves at the age they were raped or molested, many shared how it affected their lives.  Its the kind of thing that, unfortunately, we need to teach our children about and watch for constantly (how sad is that?)

Earlier this year Bill Zeller (above) ended his own life.  He shared why in this agonizing suicide letter.  He was never able to move beyond what he refers to as "the darkness" (being raped starting at age 7).

Reading his letter broke my heart.  How many others are out there carrying their secrets and suffering in silence?  How many believe death is the only option to escape the pain?  How many want a healthy loving relationship and children but are unable to fulfill that dream due to their inner demons?  All because evil sick people roam free, seeking out their prey: children.

Children who are afraid to tell anyone continue to live abused and are ripped apart physically and emotionally.  It has to end!!!!  But how?  How can we stop it when we don't even know half the time that its happening?

This reminds me of one of the most chilling things I ever heard.  It was during a segment on child sexual abuse in the SAVA* Training I received.  Two police officers came to speak with us.  They drilled home the point that a HUGE PERCENTAGE of sexual abuse to children was perpetrated by people that were close to them.

Then the played it....a recording they did in a sting operation when a young boy finally told his mother that on his weekends at dad's house, bad things were happening.  The officers wanted to nail this dude so they decided that getting a taped confession was the way to go.  They coached the little boy and then had him call his dad.

I heard him telling his dad he didn't want to come to his house anymore, (this is the abbreviated version of their conversation) and when the dad asked why the little boy said "because I don't want you putting your penis inside me anymore".  I think everyone in the class had a strong reaction to hearing that - one woman cried, many gasped.  I felt like throwing up and then beating the crap out of this monster.  Anyhow - the dad admitted on the phone that he had indeed been raping his own young son.  That little boy was brave and did the right thing, he had to turn against his dad, (who called him Buddy and seemed like a normal dad on the surface) and send him to jail.  Most little kids are threatened or somehow convinced that what they are doing is a special secret in order for them not to tell anyone.

Its enough to make you want castration to be the first thing we do to sexual deviants rather than throw an ankle bracelet on them and hope for the best.  Sigh.  Things have to change.

Teach your children, protect them, watch for any signs that something is wrong, because there very well could be.

*Sexual Assault Victim Advocate