Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Pedophile from Mission Viejo Sentenced to 17 Years

This makes me ill.  Why on earth was this guy given such a light sentence the FIRST TIME?

Unfortunately there is not cure for pedophilia.  There isn't even a full agreement between the medical and law enforcement community if its a psychological problem or deviant sexual behavior.  I think its both, but the fact that its AGAINST THE LAW makes it pretty obvious to me where pedophiles belong.

Once again a man who has been abusing children (three of his own daughters included) for many years, has had an opportunity to lure yet another victim into his demented world.  He was coming through customs at LAX when they discovered photos of his naked 7 year old niece on his phone.  Nice job, customs officers!

"Shoot was convicted in 1963 of assaulting a girl he met at church. He was also convicted of molesting two of his daughters, but received sentences of only one year and 18 months for assaulting them – one for more than a decade – according to the Department of Justice.
A third daughter told investigators during the latest investigation that Shoot assaulted her for years, but no criminal charges were ever filed, prosecutors said."  Full story in the OCR.
 As long as we let pedophiles run free they will keep sexually abusing children and perpetuating the growing population of people who suffer from this kind of abuse.  Sadly some of them turn into pedophiles themselves.

I don't have the answers but its only common sense that you don't allow someone like this Mr. Arthur Leroy Shoot character to have the freedom to continue on his merry way.  Who knows how many victims he's left in his trail?

Of course I think castration is one way to stop this - medically induced or surgically....it may even get a few pedophiles and sexual offenders to think twice before acting on their "uncontrollable impulses".

I hope this guy never sees the light of day again....

Monday, November 9, 2009

Investigation Reveals that Rape is "Easy to Get Away With" and "Not Taken Seriously by Authorities"


Here is an eyeopening report.  I wish I could say it surprises me but it only confirms what I have been saying here all along.  The entire article is good and there some excellent links/videos also.  I feel like that voice crying out in the wilderness - no one hears me, and if they do they don't seem to care.  I am gearing up to do SOMETHING more than sit here and write about it.  Not sure what but I feel called to make a difference.  RAPE is not OKAY.
CBS NewsNearly 90,000 women reported they were raped in the United States last year. It's estimated another 75,000 rapes went unreported. But while rape convictions are up - a five month CBS News investigation raises questions about just how many rapists are actually being brought to justice.

Rape in this country is surprisingly easy to get away with. The arrest rate last year was just 25 percent - a fraction of the rate for murder - 79 percent, and aggravated assault - 51 percent.

"When we have talked to victims, they very much so doubt that it was worth it for them to go to the police," said Sarah Tofte, US Program Researcher for Human Rights Watch. "They're incredibly disillusioned with the criminal justice system, and that sends a terrible message."

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Excellent article from Maylasia

I ran across this article and nodded my head in agreement at every word.  Its very sad to know that the same issues plague rape victims internationally.

Please check out the article here:  Myths about rape and rape survivors.

In addition to the reasons she states in the article (see below in pink for the most important part of the article), I have a few of my own to add.

Many victims, especially younger ones, somehow take on blame for the rape.  As crazy at that sounds, its not uncommon for a girl to think "what did I do to make him rape me?"  This happens often in date or aquaintence rape.  Of course this is completely wrong thinking, but a traumatized young woman is not necessarily able to form rational thoughts and has probably been exposed to those exact accusations in some form or another (movie, book, lame commentators on talk shows).

All my life I have heard this type of sexist, misconstrued reasoning.  Its irresponsible and dangerous.  I can't comprehend how anyone can think that way, but apparently there are still a lot of  ignorant, unsympathetic, cruel-minded people that have a negative view of women in general.  Here is a prime example:  Bill O'Reilly.

First of all, the notion that a woman dressed in sexy clothes "asks for it" is ludicrous because rape has nothing to do with sex - its about control and violence and power.  When a woman says no, I don't care if she's a prostitute or a nun, she has a right to say NO, and if the man violates that right a crime has been committed.  That's the LAW.

Unfortunately for women everywhere,  the law is often not held up, an unfair trial finds the victim at fault instead of the attacker** because so many people still don't understand rape and sexual assault.  Often in court the victim is made to feel completely humiliated and disgraced.  The defense attorney will bring up things that have nothing to do with the crime committed and/or make her re-live the rape in horrifying detail in front of a room full of people (often including her family and friends and reporters).  NO WONDER SO MANY WOMEN WANT TO KEEP QUIET!

Some people still believe that a woman who dresses provocatively or puts herself in dangerous situations  deserves what's coming to her or is "asking for it".  Its hard to believe anyone would think that, you might be shocked by the number of people with that mindset. 

This is what I'd like to say to Bill O'Reilly about the remarks he made about a woman who was RAPED and MURDERED:

How would you feel if that woman were your daughter, sister, wife, mother, girlfriend?  How would you like that, Bill? 


There are many reasons why a woman chooses to delay reporting, including being incapacitated by the ordeal and not wanting to recount the trauma to medical officers, the police, etc, the fear of retribution by the perpetrator, the stigma of being a rape victim, the loss of privacy, and many more. The delay in reporting does not mean that a rape did not occur.
However, courts often infer the latter, as in this particular case as the judge’s statement would indicate.
In fact, the survivor had cited fear of tarnishing her family’s reputation as a reason for not reporting, which the judge found “unacceptable”.
Second, the judge stated that the lack of bruising or scratches on her body further damaged her credibility. Again, it is a myth that all rape victims must suffer from external injuries. In reality, the circumstances of rape are incredibly varied. Rapists can scare survivors into compliance through use of weapons or threats, or survivors have been so terrified as to completely freeze during the rape which would result in lack of visible injuries. In any case, the length of time between the rape and the reporting often results in these injuries healing.

**One of the most horrific cases I am aware of occurred here in my area.  Its known as "The Haidl Case" because the name of the main defendant was Greg Haidl.  His daddy just happened to be a big shot official in our local government.  Greg and his buddies gang raped an unconscious girl on a pool table.  The details are hard to talk about but they can be found on-line or in another post  on my blog if you want to be disgusted and appalled.

Here's the thing:  the first jury was unable to come to a verdict!  HELLO!?  They assumed the unconscious girl was having a great time being brutally attacked because she had previously had consensual sex with one of them and was bragging that she someday wanted to be a porn star.  So that made it okay for them to stick all sorts of foreign objects inside her body as she lay unconscious?  That's the conclusion the jury came to.  EVEN THOUGH the entire incident was FILMED and the jury was shown the recording!

THANKFULLY there was some sort of mistrial and upon the second trial they were found GUILTY.  But guess what?  Greg has already been let out and has already committed other sexual crimes.

UPDATE:  THEY ARE ASKING TO HAVE THE LABEL "SEX OFFENDER" LIFTED FROM THEIR RECORDS??????   If they allow that I am going to have a fit.  Gee, Greg, you should have thought about that while you were sticking a pool cue and lit cigarettes and Snapple bottles inside that girl.....FYI Greg and friends, most young men do not behave this way.  You are a convicted sex offender and the women out there deserve to be warned about you. 

I will be following this closely to see what the verdict is.  I will be protesting if they drop the label.  They already let these scumbags out of jail early for good behavior so who knows what they are doing since they obviously think they are ABOVE the law and ENTITLED to special treatment that your average sex offender does not get (unless his daddy is also a rich and powerful political type).

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Gang Rape of 15 year old at High School - Bystanders Watch

This makes me ill.  Literally, I feel sick.
Bystanders where cheering on as this girl was brutally attacked for over two hours.

Her life will never be the same.  


WARNING:  This article is disturbing.

Two suspects were arrested and third is being questioned in the gang rape of a California teen outside a high school homecoming dance, police said Tuesday.
The 15-year-old Richmond High School student hospitalized in stable condition after the attack, which happened while as many as 15 people, all males, looked on but didn't help or call police, investigators said.
The sex assault took place on school grounds Saturday while the dance was under way inside the school, authorities said.
"She was raped, beaten, robbed and dehumanized by several suspects who were obviously OK enough with it to behave that way in each other's presence," said Richmond police Lt. Mark Gagan.
"What makes it even more disturbing is the presence of others," Gagan said. "People came by, saw what was happening and failed to report it."
Manuel Ortega, 19, a former student at the school, was arrested soon after he ran from the scene. He faces charges of rape, robbery and kidnapping, and was held on $800,000 bail.
A 15-year-old was also arrested and charged with one count of felony sexual assault. A third teenager was being questioned, police said.
"Based on witness statements and suspect statements, and also physical evidence, we know that she was raped by at least four suspects committing multiple sex acts," Gagan said.
"As people announced over time that this was going on, more people came to see, and some actually participated," Gagan said.
Police said a "full-court press" was under way, including reviews of Facebook and YouTube, to find other attackers and bystanders who witnessed the rape.
"We're looking in particular to see if anyone posted any video of the incident," Gagan said.
Several other individuals were detained but not arrested, Simon said.
The victim was found unconscious under a bench shortly before midnight Saturday after police received a call from someone who overheard people "reminiscing about the incident," Gagan said.
Police said the girl left the dance and was walking to meet her father for a ride home when a classmate invited her to join a group drinking in the courtyard.
"Right now, we're looking at toxicology reports to determine her blood-alcohol content and to determine if she was drugged."
"This just gets worse and worse the more you dig into it," Gagan told CNN. "It was like a horror movie after looking at the evidence. I can't believe not one person felt compelled to help her."

Monday, October 26, 2009

Substitute Teacher Arrested in Anaheim


Marc Silberman

Well this is an interesting mug shot...maybe he's really short.   Sharing story after story like this is very depressing, but a comment left today spurs me on.  This blog does have value and as ugly as it is to know how many predators lurk in Orange County, CA, we need to know.

"The victim, who is under 18, told police she met Silberman on Thursday when he was substitute teaching at Savanna High School in Anaheim, Martinez said. The victim told police that Silberman had "sexual contact" with her.
Silberman is being held at the Anaheim Detention Facility on suspicion of sexual penetration with a foreign object and child annoyance, Martinez said. Silberman is expected to appear in court for an arraignment hearing later this week"
 The entire article can be found here.




Saturday, October 24, 2009

Female teacher accused of sex with student, vandalizing his car


Naomi Perez, Saddleback High School

  
The full article was here.  I doubt she will get much jail time but its a reminder that female teachers are also capable of  this type of behavior with students.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Another Teacher Arrested for Sexual Assault


Christopher John Ontiveros


Teacher at top Orange County high school arrested in sexual assault case
Oxford Academy teacher accused of wrongful contact with student.  Read story here.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Recent Headlines from my Local Newspaper, The Orange County Register

17 year old girl raped in Santa Ana apartment complex.

Man accused of raping two women he met at bus stop.

Man charged of raping three prostitutes.

Woman sexually assaulted after accepting ride.

Woman reports she was kidnapped and raped by group of men.

These incidents have all occurred in the last few weeks. 

Predators Abound


Somer Thompson, age 7

I am ill as I listen to the news about yet again, another young girl abducted and most likely found dead. 

My questions for whoever the hell is in charge of making laws out there:

GET THE ____ ____ SEXUAL PREDATORS OFF THE STREETS AND LOCK THEM UP SO THIS WILL STOP HAPPENING!

I have sat in court for enough hours to see that MANY, MANY non-violent offenders are arrested and put in jail for MINOR infractions while murderers, rapists and other predators run around free killing and assaulting women and children.

WHAT THE ____ IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE THAT FOCUS ON PETTY CRIME RATHER THAN SAVING LIVES?

IT MAKES ME ILL.

I'm sorry.  I'm just really upset right now.  Actually, I'm not sorry, I'm pissed off and sick over it.

story on Somer here.

P.S.  Have you checked your local website for Registered Sex Offenders in your area?  Somer's neighborhood was littered with them....there is also something very wrong when we allow so many predators to conglomerate in one area, it puts our children at risk!  Who's in charge of this stuff?  I want some answers on this.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Think Your Kids are Safe at Youth Group


Youth leader admits to sex with teen girl in church parking lot

A 21-year-old Fullerton man is to be sentenced next month.

The Orange County Register

A 21-year-old youth group leader at a Cypress church pleaded guilty Thursday to having sex with a 15-year-old girl in the church's parking lot.
Timothy Han, of Fullerton, is scheduled to be sentenced on Nov. 12.

Han pleaded guilty to felony unlawful sexual intercourse and a misdemeanor count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Prosecutors said last month that Han took the 15-year-old girl to the Miracle Land Baptist Church parking lot, where he smoked marijuana and had sex with her.

Father Solicits Teen Daughter for Sex on Facebook

This level of deprivation is hard to comprehend.  A father is suppose to protect his children, not be the evil they need to be protected from.  Story here.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

You Can't Trust ANYONE (so it seems)

Grandfather pleads guilty to molesting two young girls.

Victims included a 7-year-old girl who came to defendant's house in Orange to play.

The Orange County Register
SANTA ANA – An Orange grandfather who watched neighborhood children after school until their parents came home from work pleaded guilty today to molesting two girls younger than 7.
Octavio Reyes Cortez, 59, a landscaper, will be sentenced by Superior Court Judge Frank F. Fasel on Friday to 18 years in prison for six felony counts of lewd conduct on a minor.
Deputy District Attorney Mark Birney said the molestations date back to 1995, and the victims included a 7-year-old girl who came to Cortez' home to play with Barbie dolls with his granddaughter.
Cortez also admitted to repeated acts of molestation on a girl who was younger than 6 between 1995 and 1997.

Lock Him Up Before His Behavior Escalates!


Tach Van Truong
 
Man Accused of Masturbation in Front of Toddler

"The behavior is so strange and deviant, it is possible there may be other victims," said Jim Amormino, spokesman for the Sheriff's Department."

Let's hope not, but there probably are :(

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I am Strong but Fragile - What Rape Does to Your Life


My entire life has been full of tragedies and sadness.  I am not saying that for pity, PLEASE don't ever feel sorry for me, that would make me a victim again and it took years to get over.

This post is to try and explain how feeling unsafe as a child, being molested and raped and raped again as a teen, can cause a young woman's life to take a turn towards ugliness and sorrow.  It presents three paths:

- the path to hating men and sex
- the path to being strong and overcoming
- the path to believing that sex = love and becoming a slut promiscuous and looking for love through sex, never trusting men, always feeling used, never experiencing true intimacy


I walked down the third path until my late 20's when I chose to end that cycle and become strong.  Then at age 30 I accidentally got pregnant, and although I had had multiple abortions in my youth, this time it was never a question.  I was going to be the best damn mother in the world.

I didn't date for 11 years.  Met a guy, he hurt me and I fell right back into path number three, minus the sexual promiscuity.  I didn't think I would EVER be able to trust a man.  It took years to get to a place that I could open my heart and accept true love.  Then I was hurt again. 

So when people make light of sexual abuse and rape, I get furious.  Some of us are scarred for life by the events of our past, that does not make us weak, it makes us human.  Humans naturally do whatever they can to protect themselves, to cope.

So when you are talking to a woman who appears to be strong and handling her past sexual abuse/rape well, know that if she is, she's rare.  Inside she probably hurts to this very day.  She may wonder if she will ever be "normal" and experience relationships with men that are healthy.  She may find comfort reaching out to others, she may be in denial, she may just continue to look for true love.  I still believe it exists, I just don't know if it exists for me or not.

Pastor Accused of Molesting Girls in His Church


 Jose Campoverde

Arrested on suspicion of molesting four girls, according to police. Police said Campoverde is the pastor of Ministerio Cristo Vive, a stripmall congregation. Here is the rest of the article in the OCR

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Polanski arrested in connection with 1970s sex charge

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!
(see update)



Read full story Here
Someone pointed out this article on Salon.com that I agree with 100%.  Its unfathomable to me that anyone is defending him and calling HIM a victim after reading in detail what he did.  I think the girl's mother who allowed this (allegedly) should have been arrested too.
Warning:  graphic sexual content.
Here is the article.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Children Not Safe in Their Own Beds:


 Ernesto Parraguirre, 20
Police looking for man who broke in, molested girl
Police believe that a gang member climbed into a house in Orange and molested a 9-year-old girl and terrorized her teenaged sister.  Story Here.



Doctor Molests Child

This story bothers me on many levels, the obvious plus the fact that this dude probably has tons of money and is paying for the best attorneys possible.  So what if he's 82 years old, that's no excuse for lightening his sentence.  I have little mercy for people who molest children.


Prominent doctor gets 30 days in jail for molestation
Prominent surgeon also sentenced to 330 days' home confinement.



Dr. William Moore Thompson III, 82, was sentenced by Orange County Superior Court Judge Thomas Goethals to 30 days in Orange County Jail and 330 days of home confinement.
Sentencing guidelines call for a three- to eight-year sentence in state prison for the crime.

Thompson pleaded guilty to two felony counts of lewd and lascivious conduct with a child under 14 years old, and one count of dissuading a witness from testimony.

The child in the first two counts was a family member, not a patient.  DOES THIS MAKE IT MORE ACCEPTABLE OR LESS?  WHAT'S THE POINT?

According to testimony at a preliminary hearing, Thompson had the girl rub his genitals on 15 to 20 occasions between May 24, 2003 and May 23, 2004. Investigators taped a call from the girl in which Thompson admitted, "I know it's wrong, absolutely," according to the testimony.  I LOVE IT WHEN THEY INCRIMINATE THEMSELVES AND MAKE IT EASY TO CONVICT WITHOUT A DOUBT.

Thompson has been the medical director of at least three PPOs, and was on the clinical surgery faculty of the UC Irvine School of Medicine for almost 40 years, according to biographical information posted on the Web sites of companies he has worked for.  JUST GOES TO SHOW SEX OFFENDERS COME FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

Thompson is allowed to serve his home confinement before he goes to jail for a month.
"He's an 82-year-old in poor health; he's not likely to live much longer," Rackauckas said. "He's had two major heart attacks. He has a defibrillator and a pacemaker."  SO WHAT?

Thompson is required to register as a sex offender.  GOOD, he is one.

Read rest of story here.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

This Girl Just Slapped all True Rape Victims Across the Face

Yesterday the media shared a story about five guys who gang raped a girl.  Then she says, "Um, I lied, it was consensual".  Does she have any idea how this affects women who have really been raped?  I am too pissed off to even go there right now...there is something wrong with this young woman and she needs to be evaluated and possibly punished.

Also SHAME ON THE POLICE DEPT. involved in this case - how dare them parade the accused men around on the media with no concrete evidence!  This is wrong for two reasons:

1) Obviously its had a negative affect on these guys and made them victims

2) IF this was a real rape they may not have followed protocol and the case could have been thrown out


I may rant on this more later, but for now, I just had to get this out.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Why Did She Drop the Charges?

The woman (18 years old is really a teenager) that said she was raped by five men in a college dormitory restroom is now taking back the allegations.  Story here.

This is very disturbing if its true, or if its not.

If its true - if she did make up the whole thing, then its a slap in the face to every real victim of rape that has to face the humiliating and terrifying act of reporting the crime and all that goes along with that (most rapes are not reported for this reason - that's why most rapists are not caught).  Why would she do this?  It makes no sense that she would consentually have sex with five men then turn around and report it as a rape.  What would her motive be?  What does she have to gain from that?  Wouldn't she be risking retaliation from these guys?  There names and faces have been linked with a brutal crime across the entire nation.  Is she trying to get revenge on them?  Did they pay her to do this?  Why would she lie about this?

If its not true - if she was indeed raped and is now taking back her statement the question  again is "Why?".  Has she been threatened?  Is she traumatized to the point that she doesn't want to be the center of a nationwide crime story that will affect the rest of her life?  Has her family pressured her to drop the charges?  Is it simply too overwhelming to deal with? 

I want answers.  I may never get them.  This is very frustrating and disappointing.  I want justice and at this point its hard to say who deserves it.

Would You Feel Safe Sending Your Daughter to College?

Me as a smiling, clueless young woman who would soon face the horrors of a rape that could have been prevented
IF I had followed my own advice that I give you here.

So last week a young woman is murdered at Yale University, now there is a story about an 18 year old college student being tied up in a men's restroom stall and gang raped by five guys.    Stop and think about that for a minute if you can stomach it, personally I can't.

While all the experts spend years doing studies on WHY this happens and analyze the hell out of it, I will share my thoughts and words of wisdom, its simple, and it could save your life:

FEMALES:  DO NOT GO ANYWHERE ALONE
No, its not fair that we are the more vulnerable sex.  No its not fair that we can be a black belt in Karate and still be overpowered.  Its not fair that we have to be inconvenienced by finding someone to walk us to our car, our dorm room or our home.  Its not fair that we can't go out alone at night and be safe.  Its just not fair at all.
But life has never been fair.  You can argue against your rights as a female, or you can be wise and careful and guard your life by not allowing yourself to be vulnerable to an attack.  Of course, even that is not enough - Annie Le was at work when she was murdered!  The girl that was gang raped followed a guy into a dormitory because he took her cell phone from her.  
I know people will have issues with what I am saying here, the main objection being "why should I, as a woman, have to inconvenience my life when men don't have to worry about their safety as much?  Its sexist!  Its wrong!"
Yes, it is.  But its also a fact of life that many more women then men are victims of random violent crimes.  Men should be careful too.  My boyfriend was attacked and beaten years ago when he was walking home late at night and jumped by several other guys.   In my opinion, this is no time to stand up for our rights as women or be politically correct.  Its time to look at statistics, read the news and see that there is an ongoing epidemic of women being raped and murdered, often by strangers.
I prefer to keep my own story private, but its times like this that I see the value in talking about it.
BOTH times I was raped, I had left myself in a vulnerable position.  If it were today I would think twice before agreeing to be in a home alone (as a 14 year old) with two men in their 20's.  If it were today I would not willingly follow a total stranger I'd just met in a bar out to his car to "smoke a joint".
In incident one I was repeatedly and violently raped for hours by the two men that I "knew" as they laughed and laughed (they were high on something, who knows what) Obviously I did not "know" them well.  I should have left with my friends when they left.
In the second incident I was abducted (no door handle on the passenger side of his van)  driven away, beaten and raped, and then dumped in the street to find my own way back to the bar.
Ladies, especially young ones who think you are safe where you live - PLEASE be careful.  Please don't be embarrassed to travel in groups, there truly is safety in numbers.  Please do NOT go anywhere with a guy you don't know, even if its just to the parking lot when your friends are inside the bar...it could save your life.

12 Year Old Girl Forced to Have Sex and Sell Drugs

Julio Louis Cortes
A  disgusting story.  I am glad he's caught.  Sometimes I wonder why I force myself to read these reports and learn of these atrocities, but I believe its better to shed light into dark corners and reveal what's really there than to ignore what's going on.  We need to protect our children.  No one - man, woman, or child, is safe these days, but mostly women and children.


Read the rest of the story here at OCR.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Tears of Anger - Annie Le's Body Found


I don't always get emotionally choked up over these stories...okay that's a lie, I do, over all of them, but some more so than others.

I am ANGRY.   I don't claim to have answers, but something has to be done about the frequency of murders against women.  This young lady wrote a paper about how women should stay safe, learn self defense, etc.  I say BS!  That is something very positive to do but its ridiculous to think that following safety tip or knowing self defense makes a difference, Annie's death proves that.

There are sick male predators out there - perhaps if they were punished more severely, if they were somehow weeded out?  I don't know.  It just makes me sick that NO ONE is safe anywhere.  This is why I advocate gun ownership.  Maybe we all need to walk around armed and dangerous to stay safe (yes, I am am being facetious...but I do support the right to bear arms and own firearms).

Rest in peace to this young woman, and my heart aches for her fiance, family and friends.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

It Doesn't Look Good for Annie Le

The news reports are not saying her body was found, but they have found bloody clothes.  Its tragic.

Friday, September 11, 2009

This is wrong on so many levels

Cesar Martin Gomez

Man charged in murder of prostitute had been deported 3 times Police say that DNA material found at hotel after killing matches that of Cesar Gomez, 34.

full story here

Bible study leader charged with molesting boys

Man accused of sexual assaults on male relatives, who were 11.

The Orange County Register

A Westminster man who hosted Bible study meetings at his home has been charged with sexually assaulting two boys, prosecutors said today.

James Guerrero, 50, is to be arraigned Friday on seven felony counts of lewd acts upon a child younger than 14 and one felony count of distributing pornography to a minor, the Orange County District Attorney's Office said in a news release.

The two victims, who are relatives of Guerrero, were both 11 years old when the molestations began, prosecutors said. Both attended regular Bible study meetings at Guerrero's Westminster home, they said.

The molestations occurred between 2006 and 2008, prosecutors said. In July 2009, one of the boys disclosed the molestations to family members, who encouraged him to report the sexual assaults to the Westminster police. The police investigated the case and discovered the other victim, prosecutors said.

Anyone who might know of other possible victims is asked to call Supervising District Attorney Investigator Tim Craig at 714-347-8558 or Westminster Police Detective Allen Aoki at 714-898-3315.

Guerrero, who is being held in lieu of $1 million bail, faces a maximum sentence of 90 years and eight months to life in state prison if convicted on all the allegations, prosecutors said.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Why Was He Out in the First Place?

Well, here we go again. Another registered sex offender running around unsupervised doing whatever the hell he pleases. He raped a real estate agent when she was showing him a home. His past arrests did not keep him where he belongs: incarcerated. Thank God he did not murder this woman and thank her for doing the write thing and reporting this predator.

I also noticed the typical "MO" on this guy: he lives with his mother. Please be aware of grown men who live with their mothers, its a reoccurring theme in many sex offenders lives.


Monday, September 7, 2009

Good Work Dad and Daughter!

Alfredo Granados Canchola

There are two things that stand out to me in this story, which can be read in full here.

1) The 10 year old that was approached by this guy ran and told her dad who had time to run out to the alley and catch most of the license plate on his car. Brave little girl, fast acting daddy. They stopped this predator from abducting more girls.

2) The 13 year old girl got in the car with him and jumped from the moving vehicle to escape. The 16 year old girl got in the car with him and was not so lucky, she was assaulted but was rescued by a male friend at some point during the attack.

My questions:

Don't all parents teach their children NEVER to go anywhere or accept a ride with a stranger?
Assuming the answer to that is "yes', then why do so many kids/teens still do it?

When I was as young as 14 I hitchhiked alone frequently. It was stupid but back in the 70's it was not that uncommon. The only time someone pulled a move was when there were THREE of us in the car with him (he was stupid) we jumped out at a stop sign and ran. BUT in hitchhiking, I was ASKING for a ride. Would I have gotten in a car with a stranger? Probably. Why? Because kids think "it will never happen to me" or are truly naive enough to not even suspect the danger.

All we can do is keep warning them. I hate sharing negative stories like this one with children, but I think we need to do more to make them aware of the dangers. I do this with my son when it comes to drunk driving or motorcycle accidents, like it or not, he hears about every one I read to pound it into his head that it could happen to him if he's not careful.

330 Years Sounds Fair to Me

Jamie Martinez

From the OC Register (highlights mine)

The Orange County Register

SANTA ANA A Buena Park man was sentenced to 330 years to life in prison today for sexually assaulting four girls, ages 5 to 11.

Jaime Martinez, 37, pleaded guilty before Superior Court Judge James A. Stotler in July as his trial was under way on 32 felony counts – including rape – involving young girls in his family.

One of the victims reported the abuse in December 2006 when she was 9, according to a news release from the Orange County District Attorney's Office. The girl said she had been sexually abused her since she was 5, including in the restroom of her elementary school.

The girl told police that Martinez also hit her and showed her a gun, saying he would hurt her and others in the family if she told anyone about the abuse, prosecutors said.

Buena Park police investigated and identified three other girls, ages 6, 9 and 11, who were also being molested.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

New Blog To Check Out:

I'd like to share you with you a brand new blog. It's written by a young woman that I've had the privilege (and fun) of getting to know recently, its not your average "what's going on in my life" blog,. Carrie courageously shares her about something that is both personal and painful. I will let you read it for yourself rather than try to explain it but I will say that we "met" via my blog, "A Place to Talk About Rape" when she found the newspaper article there about the man who has turned her world into a nightmare (at times).

Over the years I have met several young women that have overcome huge challenges, addictions, situations, etc. and have used the negatives in their lives to make them stronger. I always prayed that my past and the things that happened to me (or by me) would someday be used for good to help others. I can see that happening with Carrie, she's gusty, smart, determined and compassionate. As I get to know her I have to keep reminding myself how young she actually is because she is very wise for a teenager and already has some great goals and plans for her future (which there is no doubt in my mind she will accomplish).

I respect her for stepping out and writing a blog. I hope you will visit her:

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Bad, Bad Teachers - a new link on my sidebar

A friend sent me a link to a site she found and I've added it here.  The title of the site says it all but here is how they describe themselves:

As you probably guessed from the name of this site, its focus is upon educators accused of behaving badly and in various and sundry ways, usually criminal in nature.
Hardly a day goes by that the news media is not reporting on yet another teacher school employee run amok and often students are victimized in the process.
This site exists not to glorify bad behavior but rather to shed light upon a serious problem and one which appears to be getting worse with each passing month and year.
Its the same reason I have this blog - a place to talk about the ugliness of sexual crimes and abuse.  Its intent is to educate, warn and bring awareness to this growing problem.

Sadly, we have to protect ourselves at all times:

Adrian Montano Fuerte

Mechanic guilty of assaulting women in auto pit He abused five women after luring them into a service bay under the pretense of showing them where repairs were needed on their cars.

Full story in OC Register here.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

A Reminder:

RAPE IS ABOUT VIOLENCE NOT SEX

I just read the story of an 85 year old Holocaust survivor that endured a brutal rape two years ago when she was 83 years old.  It reminds me of the day in my training class that we learned about rape not having anything do do with sex, and everything to do with violence.

This is hard for me to agree with because so often it does seem that men rape for some sort of sexual gratification, but experts say that is NOT the case.  The sexual gratification is based in violence and domination.  I can't believe this poor elderly lady who lived through so much as a young girl had to endure this horrific kind of violence.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

My heart hurts when I read this happening over and over....



I'll let you read the article if you want details. Two things about this infuriate, disgust and worry me:

1. Our children are not safe at school. This guy is a child predator. You may argue that the girls were old enough to know what they are doing. 17 year old girls are not adults and not mature enough to always make good decisions. I can guarantee this guy charmed and flirted to get what he wanted. He KNEW that these girls were underage. He did it twice. He would have kept doing it if someone had not stopped him. He is 26 years old, don't tell me that there aren't plenty of woman over 18 for him to date (hopefully over 21).

2. His sentence was bullcrap! I know that judge from sitting in his court for 48 hours over the last few months and he was wrong to let this guy off so easy. I'm very disappointed.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The "Not Rape" Epidemic

This article is long, its graphic in places and very disturbing, but its important.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

From Post Secret Today:

 
  
 

Friday, July 3, 2009

He Tried To Get Away but this SLIME was not Slippery Enough

 
Brandon Louis Whitaker
This Lake Forest resident has lots of CHILD PORN and tried to get away from police.  Thankfully he didn't.

Friday, June 19, 2009

More Scum Cleaned up in Orange County

Taken from the OC Register


The Sexual Assault Felony Enforcement team, or SAFE, a multi-agency task force that investigates crimes against children, announced this morning the arrest of David Brown, 34, of Lake Forest; Richard Chaney, 23, Costa Mesa; and Brock Jackson, 21, of Rancho Santa Margarita.
Brown is accused of having a four-month-long sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl he met online.
Chaney is accused of having a 14-year-old girl engage in live video sex acts, and of later having sex with her. He is also accused of raping another woman who was unconscious.
Jackson is accused of possessing hundreds of videos and about 6,000 images of child pornography.
Chaney and Jackson are being charged in federal court.
Brown is being charged in Orange County Superior Court sex acts with a minor. He surrendered to authorities Wednesday, and is free on a $100,000 bail bond.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Neveah Buchanan Body Found?

DAMN IT!

 
I have been following this story.  The mother of this sweet little 5 year old has two "friends" who are registered sex offenders.  If they discover one of them killed this little girl I hope they throw her mother in jail too.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

ANOTHER SOCCER COACH!!!!!

David Hernandez
These cases make me madder than any other kind: when we trust our children with adults that are suppose to be helping them or teaching them in some way; teachers, coaches, clergy.
Its doubly horrifying.

Soccer coach arrested on suspicion of sex with a minor
David Hernandez, 28, allegedly had sex with an underage girl he was giving private lessons to.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What About Craig's List?

I've written about the sad story of Donna Jou, a young woman from this area (Rancho Santa Margarita) who died of a drug overdose the night she agreed to go party with a guy she met over Craig's List. (turned out he was a sexual predator, which is why I wrote about this here).

Of course we have all heard about Philip Markoff, the guy who killed a prostitute he met on Craig's list and robbed several others.

I have used Craig's list myself to try to sell something and to look for something I needed to buy. BUT - even doing that gives me a creepy feeling because I know that I am on a site (unlike eBay) that is directly associates with ads for all sorts of nasty horrible things. That to me says: DANGER.

I am not judging anyone for using it as a place to find sex or whatever, I'm just saying it gives me the creeps. I you could take all the ads in Craig's list and put them in a room as real people, its a room I would not want to step foot in. Even if there is only one creepy person per every thousand nice people - that's still one too many creeps for me.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Another Dirtbag Off to Prison

Darren Scott Hulbert


OH good, this guy gets 90 years to life for molesting ten year olds. That sounds about right.

Rest of the story here.

Pastor Caught with Child Porn

I think pastors are in the lead in Orange County for being the worse offenders out of all public "jobs".

Story here.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Another Mission Viejo Child Predator

Charles Paul Dishno
Kudos to the citizen who was alert and concerned enough to call the cops after observing this dude checking out little girls at the local park! He is now back in jail where he belongs. This incident happened very, very close to wear I live (a five minute walk).
You know what's really worrisome? There is NO WHERE that our children are absolutely safe from this type of perversion. People move to Mission Viejo because its one of the safest cities in the USA. There are great schools here, low crime rates, a beautifully kept clean and healthy place to live. But that's not enough to keep the scum from infiltrating. Where there are children, there will be child molesters.

I know I am a broken record on this blog, that's the whole point. I can't say it enough:

Keep an eye on your kids and be suspicious of anyone you leave your child alone with.

Full story at the OCR

Thursday, April 23, 2009

60 Year Old Man with 15 Year Old Girl

 
Iren Koster
I love how the article says he started talking sexually with her on myspace when she was 14 but WAITED TILL SHE WAS 15 to have sex with her.  Gee, that was considerate.  AND he had the nerve to meet her at her home (Fullerton).  I wonder how her parents would have felt walking in on that scene. 

I'm sure Iren will have this big smile wiped off his face when he's in prison with some real men and they teach him a lesson on why its wrong to mess with kids.  I am glad pervs are the lowest scum on earth in the jail system.  Duh, even a convicted felon recognizes the disgust of it.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Former Teacher - Molested Girls

Matthew Fahey

Another one from South Orange County.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Important Review of "Observe and Report"

Holly has this on her blog today, I think its deplorable that anyone would find this entertaining or "okay".

But, that's the way our society is these days.

And we wonder why women don't report date rape....

Former O.C. woman could face rape allegation in girl's death

This is highly unusual...read the rest here.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Sunday School Teacher Did It?

Melissa Huckaby

I am not sure if there was any sexual deviancy involved - but this woman allegedly kidnapped and murdered 8 year old Sandra Cantu. It makes little sense that a woman committed this crime, what would her motive be? it will be interesting to see if she really did it or is covering up for someone. But in any case, this little girl is gone forever :(


I can not fathom the depth of pain, anguish and rage this little girl's family must feel.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Trigger Alert for New Movie

Marcella over at Abyss2Hope has a post today about a new movie that's out. Read her post, its important.

All I have to add is that for many people scenes in movies (and in books) can trigger a memory of a rape (or any other trauma) and the results can be devastating.

For me personally, I still feel sick, angry and humiliated whenever I see a rape scene in a movie or watch a TV show that has it as a theme (I would torture myself watching CSI SVU for some reason, thinking maybe it would make me immune to those feelings - it didn't).

So beware of the new movie "Observe and Report" , read Marcella's post and stand up against rape - date rape, "drunk rape" whatever you call it, its rape, its wrong, it happens too often and is taken too lightly.

Another Pastor that's a Pervert

Rev. Robert Black

This guy used Facebook to try and lure a 13 year old girl into having sex with him. Fortunately it was an undercover cop in another sting.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

One more reason not to let your sons (or daughters) hang out with people you don't know and trust 100%

Charles Rogers


He was a teacher at the only middle school in town, Garrett Junior High, a soccer coach, and a foster parent for two children. He served as a reserve officer for the Boulder City Police Dept.

"Charles Richard Rogers, 46, has been charged with 72 child pornography related counts that include possession of child pornography, sexual assault of a minor under 14-years-old, lewdness with a child under 14, and use of a minor in producing pornography. The investigation is continuing and further charges are pending. Considered a flight risk, Rogers’ bail was set at $1.25 million."

read the rest here

Another One Caught in the Act

Focus on the Family guy arrested for trying to hook up with a 15 year old girl for sex (poor guy, she turned out to be a cop doing one of those wonderful stings to catch perverts).

I have to wonder what James Dobson has to say about this. He didn't seem to have a comment.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sandra Cantu Found Dead :(

This is a little girl that went missing from a rural town in Northern California a few weeks ago.  Whenever I hear of a little girl that's gone missing my heart sinks, usually it means a sexual predator has abducted them, will do unthinkable things to them, and kill them.  Its hard to fathom the fear, horror and pain this sweet little girl endured in the last hours of her life.

Monday, April 6, 2009

One of the Reasons I Started this Blog


Re-opening this blog makes me feel vulnerable and nervous. I may come across as tough in some of the things I say here, but inside, I'm pretty soft.

One of the reasons I started this blog over a year ago was because of something I read by a young woman who lived in the Middle East. She had been raped and started an anonymous blog to share her thoughts and feelings. I cried as I read her words, then I became angry. If you choose to read it you will witness from her words how devastating and long-lasting the effects of rape are on many girls/women.

This young lady felt that she was no longer a virgin, that she was damaged, and was afraid to be touched by anyone. Her English is not great but her message comes across loud and clear.

I had left her a comment and asked her to write me. She did! We talked back and forth for a while but then lost touch. I tried so hard to help her understand that it was not her fault, that it was what we call here in the USA "date rape" or "acquaintance rape".

I don't know if I helped her much, but I tried. If you want to read her blogs you can find them here. A few people accused her of being fake, of making up her story. Even if that were true the feelings she experienced are precisely what a typical rape victim feels.

Anyhow, just felt like sharing this because I was thinking of her today and wondering how she's doing.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Sheriff's deputy arrested on suspicion of child rape


Dale Garcia


We teach our children that the police are there to protect us. Not Always.

An Orange County Sheriff's deputy is locked up today on suspicion of raping a child under age 14, Riverside County Sheriff's and jail officials said.

Deputy Wilbert Dale Garcia, 49, was arrested about 4 p.m. Friday during a traffic stop in Murrieta, and remains locked up today.

"He was arrested following an investigation," said Riverside County Sheriff's Deputy Matt Diaz in a phone interview. "He was a 19-year veteran of law enforcement."

Garcia was held today on three offenses — one count of continual sexual abuse of a child and two counts of aggravated child sexual assault, a jailer said in a phone interview.

“The Wildomar Police Department is not releasing the protected identity of the victim in this investigation,” Diaz said in a statement. He said deputies “are reviewing evidence in this continuing investigation to determine if other victims exist.”



Rest of story here.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Sex Offender Gets Life for Raping 6-Year-Old Boy in Public Library

All I can say on this one is:

1) If they let this guy out after 15 years (that's when he's eligible for parole....I guess life sentence doesn't really mean life sentence) I can almost guarantee the guy will do it again. Statistics are facts.

2) These two little boys are paying a life sentence too. You don't get over something like this....a SIX YEAR OLD BOY being RAPED. I am so sorry little boys....I am so sorry this monster found you :(


NEW BEDFORD, Mass. — A man who raped a 6-year-old boy in a public library, while on probation for an attempted rape, was sentenced Thursday to life in prison.

Corey Deen Saunders pleaded guilty in February to the January 2008 rape of the boy at the New Bedford Public Library.

Prosecutors said Saunders lured the boy into a reading room at the library while the victim's mother worked on a computer only a short distance away. At the time of the attack, Saunders was a convicted sex offender who was on probation after serving four years in prison for the attempted rape of a 7-year-old boy.

The Bristol District Attorney's office sought a life sentence for Saunders in part because of the ages of the victims in both cases.

Saunders, 27, will be eligible for parole after 15 years. He was also sentenced to lifetime probation.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I have no tears for this pastor....

Yes, he's shedding a tear - for himself. He's been convicted (and pled guilty to) lewd behavior which included indecent exposure, lewd conduct in a public place and loitering around a public toilet.

He's crying because some local teens trashed his car and threw rocks at him and his son. Poor baby.

I have news for the members of his congregations (he has TWO), your pastor has a serious problem. I don't know if his thing is little boys, little girls or men, but its not safe to leave your children around him. You may want to find a new church too....just sayin!

Story here.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Four Men Rape 13 Year Old at Party

Daniel Ramirez

SANTA ANA – Four men have been accused of gang raping a 13-year-old girl at a house party in Orange, prosecutors said.

Diego Ramirez, 19, Mario Santibanez, 22, Daniel Ramirez, 23, and Gustavo Gomez, 18.
Lovely. I hope they all get the max. Their defense will be "boys will be boys". I say cut off their penises if they think their actions are acceptable male behavior. Let this be a waring to young men who may feel pressured by their perverted friends: it could land you a long prison sentence and the label of "sex offender" for the rest of your life. That's a felon. This is a CRIME.

The rest of the story here.

Piano Teacher Molests Little Girls

Daniel Peter Gaudin


I'm telling ya - it never seems to end. Where are our children safe? I'll tell you where - only when they are with someone you trust beyond a shadow of a doubt, like your own family or closest friends. They are not safe with coaches, teachers, martial arts or dance instructors....its a pattern I see over and over and over. When are people going to learn NOT to leave their young children ALONE with an adult male? Sure 9 times out of ten they are safe but are you willing to risk that one time they may not be?

Article Here

UPDATE: He was sentenced to Nine Years. Not enough if you ask me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Watch Out for "Family Friends"

If you invite a male to live in your home and you have a young daughter at home - Keep Your Frigging Eyes OPEN!

This did not have to happen, it did not have to go on for YEARS. This makes me ill.


The victim testified that Carrera – a family friend – started molesting her when she was about 4 and he began living in her parents' home. The sexual contact continued until she was 13, when her family moved out of Orange County in 2003.
After she turned 15, the family returned to Orange County and she began working at a pizza restaurant managed by Carrera, according to her testimony.
Molestation victims sometimes return to their abusers, sometimes out of a feeling of helplessness or what experts call "accommodation syndrome," according to Deputy District Attorney Robert Mestman.
The girl testified that on April 25, 2006 – after she had been working at the pizza restaurant for about three months – Carrera cornered her alone after sending all other employees home, reminded her of their earlier sexual contact, and raped her.
She told the jury that she did not struggle because she felt intimidated and scared. She also testified that Carrera threatened to hurt her and her family if she told anyone about the sexual episodes.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Sex Offender Commits Murder

John Steven Burgess

The case of Donna Jou hits close to home for me - literally. She lived in our area when she disappeared (June 2007) with a horrible man that she had met on Craig's List. She was 19 he was 36 and a registered sex offender - who failed to register himself.

There was evidence that made it appear that indeed, this young woman was dead. Her body has never been found.

Today piece of shit John Steven Burgess was convicted of manslaughter for her MURDER. Her poor family will probably never know what happened, I can't imagine what they suffered through hoping that she was still alive.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL TO ALL WOMEN - ESPECIALLY YOUNG WOMEN - DO NOT HOOK UP WITH A TOTAL STRANGER! EVER!

UPDATE HERE ON HOW SHE DIED

The safest way to meet up with someone you've met online is IN A VERY PUBLIC PLACE for several dates. NEVER EVER GIVE YOUR ADDRESS OR EVEN LAST NAME to someone you don't know.

AND do a background check! You can check online for registered sex offenders AND to see who has a criminal record of any kind - FOR FREE.

Sigh.

This didn't have to happen. My heart breaks for her family.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Scum Gets 52 Years

Trevor Shaw
Man gets 52 years to life for molesting girls at sleepover

Trevor Shaw, who came to O.C. to go to Disneyland with his kids, sexually assaulted 2 teen girls.

read story here

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

90,000 Sex Offenders Removed from Myspace

Well thankfully they are gone, but they'll be back.

Parents: watch your kids.

Adults: don't be stupid.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

May He Rot in Jail:

Richard Doyle Alread

Richard Doyle Alread assaulted the daughters of a friend over a six-year period.

A former San Juan Capistrano resident was sentenced today to 75 years to life in prison for repeatedly sexually molesting two young girls over a six-year period.

Richard Doyle Alread, 37, was found guilty last October by an Orange County Superior Court jury of 17 felony counts, including lewd acts upon a child under 14, forcible rape, and aggravated sexual assault upon a child.

read the rest here: News story

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Why the hell don't people see the signs?

Thomas Cole

Once again a local high school coach has been arrested for sexual misconduct with students. At the risk of getting hate mail (although no one reads this anymore) I am going to lay it out bluntly rather than dancing around the facts in an attempt to appear SENSITIVE or politically correct or FAIR. In some situations fairness is just not called for.

Here are the FACTS:

Sexual predators and pedophiles have a profile. Just like serial killers or certain types of criminals, these people usually share several similar traits. By being aware of these things we can protect our children. Why the HELL don't we investigate people who have the specific traits and characteristics of these people? Because....it would be discriminating against them.

Ok. I say SO WHAT? If you had nothing to hide would you mind someone checking into your background? (I know, many of us would....I would to, but hear me out).

First of all, when a SINGLE male chooses to coach children/teens (male or female) its a yellow flag, add the fact that this guy is in his late 20's or older and LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS and the flag becomes bright red. Those are just two things on the list but 99.9% of the time predators are single and live with their parents and are "loners".

I hate saying this, I really do, because I know some young single guys that truly want to make a positive difference in the lives of young people, and its not fair that they should fall under suspect of such a heinous offense....but it may catch some predators before they strike.

Once again - parents, warn your kids. Don't scare them, just warn them. I know what we think, my parents thought it too "nothing will happen to my child, we live in a safe area, I know my neighbors, I know my kid's teachers and coaches and the priest at church and ....... "

You get the idea. Do you REALLY know? Its better to be suspicious than sorry.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

A blog worth checking out!

I just ran across a horrifying story of a woman who was raped while vacationing in Mexico.  The blog I found it on i s called "Michelle Says So" and I will add it to my links.  She's got some important posts and a seperate blog dedicated to obtaining justice for Natalee Holloway.
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Priest takes kid to motel room


Attorneys agreed to plea bargain for Rev. Luis Eduardo Ramirez, who was bailed out by religious order.

A Roman Catholic priest facing criminal charges for taking an unaccompanied youth to a motel room was removed from his Santa Ana parish and placed in an area monastery pending his sentencing today in the case.


I am sick of all this. I write here because I think people need to know the ugly truth, but it depresses the hell out of me.

Story here

Monday, August 18, 2008

Pedophile "Librarian" Jailed

Philip Anthony Thompson

Thompson, 27, admitted 27 charges, including causing children aged under 13 to engage in sexual activity.



Story Here. Glad he's in jail, I hope the other inmates find out why.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Bill O'Reilly is an Asshole

Sorry for the title of this post - I had some much harsher words chosen but decided to tone it down.

I feel ILL when I hear crap like this:

It was her own fault she was RAPED (and in this case MURDERED) because she was walking alone wearing revealing clothing.
This statement is ignorant but that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that it implies she DESERVED THIS. She got what she asked for. Women who dress a certain way are advertising that they want to be raped and/or murdered or both.

O'Reilly said:

She was 5-foot-2, 105 pounds, wearing a miniskirt and a halter top with a bare midriff. Now, again, there you go. So every predator in the world is gonna pick that up at two in the morning.

full story here

No, it is not a wise choice to be walking alone at night - for men or women in any type of clothing. But we ALL make poor judgements. Yes, this girl was drunk - Mr. O'Reilly, when you were 18 did you ever get drunk and make a bad decision? Do you think you deserved to be raped and murdered because of it?

I am too pissed off to say anything else. I think this is why rapists are walking around the streets - because people like Bill O'Reilly sit on a frigging jury and decide the victim in guilty for wearing a short skirt and a halter top.

I wonder how he'd feel if she was his daughter? Because she was somebodies daughter and now she's dead.
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Saturday, August 16, 2008

Pastors Have Sex with Kids in Their Youth Ministy

This makes me so sick. Every day there are stories like this. I ask again, who can we trust our children with? Answer: ?????


KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- A Maryville church has closed it's doors indefinitely after a married couple, who are youth ministers at the church, are charged with sex crimes.

Michael Salazar, 35, is charged with three counts of sexual battery by an authority figure, and three counts of statutory rape by an authority figure.

Laura Lee Click Salazar, 35, is charged with one count of sexual battery by an authority figure, and one count of statutory rape by an authority figure.

Maryville Police Chief Tony Crisp says this investigation began on Aug. 15 when three teen girls, their parents, and their youth pastor, accused the Salazar's of sexual misconduct.

That's when officials conducted an official investigation interviewing four teenage girls who say the Salazars took part in individual sex acts beginning in September 2007.

At the church, there is a note on the door saying they're closed until further notice.

Pastor Keith Briefly says his church is very hurt by this event.

Police Chief Crisp says the case is under investigation.

Chief Crisp says there may be more victims, and he is asking for them to come forward.

"Certainly it is sickening and troubling that this is going on anywhere, and especially in our neighborhood. it's even more disturbing, right here at home, but we've done a very diligent investigation."


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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Illinois: Settlement in Clergy Sexual Abuse Cases

Published: August 12, 2008
The Archdiocese of Chicago said it had agreed to pay more than $12.6 million to settle lawsuits by 16 people who accused priests of sexual abuse. “My hope is that these settlements will help the survivors and their families begin to heal and move forward,” the archbishop, Cardinal Francis George, said in a separate statement in which he apologized for the abuse.

Money is nice and all...but these victims lives have been messed up and there is nothing that can  change that.  Of all the types of predators out there, those hiding behind the name of religion infuriate and disgust me the most.

I haven't written much personal here lately...just don't have the energy to get myself all riled up again over my own past.  

Monday, August 4, 2008

This Time a Karate Instructor:

Karate instructor charged with molesting 6 boys in his studio

from the Orange County, Register
California


What the hell can be done? Who can we trust? Over and over and over this happens. This is not an unfortunate incident - this is a life changing event that will scar these boys forever and possibly turn them into the kind of monster that this guy is.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

"You seem fine, how did it affect your life?"

I've been asked this question quite a few times. I have two answers, the short one and the long one. I usually say the short one unless I feel that the person asking really wants to understand or it would benefit them in someway to understand.

Short answer:

It was a long time ago, I've healed.

Long answer:

I seem fine on the surface, but if you know me well you know that I am not "fine".

I spent many years of my life trying to ignore all the emotions that stemmed from my past. It was like I had to be IN CONTROL of my emotions and of men. Since I am a relatively quiet, "sweet" person I couldn't use my personality to control them. Instead, I used the one "weapon" I had - sexuality. I prided myself in being able to seduce any man/boy that struck my fancy. I saw absolutely nothing immoral, unusual or unsafe about it. It was who I was, what I did.

You would think the main person I hurt with this lifestyle would be myself, but that's not the case. Whether we like it or not, our actions always affect those around us. I've had conversations with some friends who have admitted to me that my behavior influenced them in a negative way.

I know I also hurt some really nice guys who actually cared for me. I was not comfortable with guys who treated me well, respected me and were decent human beings. The pattern was always the same:

Meet a nice guy, date him for awhile, he'd fall in love with me, I'd get uncomfortable and leave him for someone that was abusive, mean and typically either a drug addict or alcoholic. Then when I was sick of the abuse (mostly verbal) I'd leave for a nice guy and the pattern would repeat itself.

The only thing that broke that pattern was having a child. I stayed away from men for 11 years and the pattern was finally broken because my heart, mind and soul changed when I became a mom. That simplifies it but you get the idea.

But am I "fine"? No. I wouldn't say that a 48 year old single woman who cries herself to sleep hugging a stuffed animal because she's lonely is fine. But that's what I do often.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Coach Caught with Child Pornography

Once again the same scenario - a guy working at a job that involves young boys to give him access to them. The article doesn't say anything about a past record or accuse him of any acts other than having child porn (of boys).

Its very sad that we have to suspect men (and sometimes women) who choose to coach, teach or volunteer with our youth. But that's the MO of most pedophiles. What a shame for the legitimate people who want to make an impact and help/teach/mentor young people.

I'm glad that there are task forces in place to investigate. Lets hope they caught this guy before he acted out and can keep a close eye on him from here on out. Anyone want to make a wager on whether or not he was a victim of a pedophile in his youth? I'll bet my entire savings on it.

Full Story Here

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Jon Benet Ramsey Case

The headline news say that her family has been "cleared" due to new DNA evidence that they found on her body that did not belong to anyone in her family.

All I have to say is:

That's great but that does NOT dismiss all the other evidence.

SOMEONE was sexually abusing her for a long time. That's what the evidence shows. There's a lot more evidence but I've made my point.
Zemanta Pixie

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Brooke Bennett is found dead - Anyone surprised by that?

I wrote about Brooke Bennett on my other blog today.

She's a young girl (12) that has been missing and was found dead today, murdered by her uncle, a convicted sex offender.

What can be done to protect our children? My suggestion would be to castrate convicted pedophiles and if that doesn't work they could have their penis removed. Of course that may still not work because they can still do horrific things to a child without one.

I am sick of it.

They say we as parents need to teach our children to be aware, etc. etc. I agree, yet it saddens me that kids can't enjoy being kids. I don't know what the answer is.

I am a victim. My life is not horrible, but I have never had a healthy relationship with a man.

Its horrifying to wonder what the last hours of her life were like. Its easier to just push it out of one's mind. I wish I could be so lucky to just close my mind and not care.

I don't write here often - I appreciate the women and men who have dedicated their time to blogging/writing daily on these topics (see links). I read your blogs even if I don't comment.

P.S. WHEN WILL THEY FIGURE OUT THAT THESE PEOPLE CAN NOT BE HELPED AND DO SOMETHING TO KEEP THEM AWAY FROM KIDS?
Zemanta Pixie

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

These guys deserve NO SYMPATHY

Greg Haidl Rape Case

this case makes me ill not only because of what these guys did, but the publics reaction to it. Its the classic case of the victim being seen as "asking for it" or "deserving it".

A recap: Three teenage guys were partying with a girl. I believe one of them had had sex with her previously and she was bragging about how she wanted to be a porn star. At one point she passed out and they put her on the pool table and proceeded to rape her and also inserted objects in both her vagina and rectum including a pool cue, Snapple bottle, juice can, and even a lit cigarette. They videotaped the entire thing. That's right - its on tape so there was NO DENYING THAT IT HAPPENED.

Yet, this case had to be tried twice because the first jury FOUND THEM INNOCENT. They totally judged the girl in this case as being a slut and therefore she deserved what she had coming. I'd love to see their reaction if that was one of their daughters on the video tape. The victims morals were on trial rather than the reactions of these sadistic young men who LAUGHED DURIING THE TRIAL and BRAGGED ABOUT IT. Then he committed a similar crime less than two years later.
Here's an article on it from one of our local papers. (did I mention his dad is an assistant sheriff for our county. Here and they are very wealthy. Funny thing - the defense attorney they hired also has a past sex conviction for having sex with a minor....)

For the rest of their lives one "false move" and they will be back in jail. They are now registered sex offenders.
Zemanta Pixie

Sunday, June 1, 2008

The Time I Got Away

I never thought I'd share this with anyone but it been eating away at me. I keep running into the guy so I am assuming that's a sign or something. I mean after all, the purpose of this blog is to educate others and make them aware...


I like to think of myself as saavy and smart when it comes to men. A survivor. A woman that would never take risks that would put her in harm's away. After all I've been raped twice...TWICE!

So a few years ago I meet this guy, Joe. I meet him online on a social networking site (Facebook). How harmless - facebook is like myspace for GROWN UPS right? Well he worked at the local college and lived next door to one of my son's best friends, just a few streets away. I had no idea what he looked like because he used Bob Marley as his photo.

Anyhow we chatted off and on for months, never even hinting at anything sexual. But I did develop a little crush on him and gave him my number. He sounded good looking on the phone. He seemed really nice. He LIKED me.

So one night he called and said "hey this is crazy that we live so close and have never met, why don't you drive by here and I will meet you in front of my house just to say hi and break the ice". I assumed this was his way of checking me out before taking me on a date. (He'd seen my pic).

Against my better judge's and against my NUMBER ONE DATING RULE (always meet in a public place for a first date and bring your own car), I went over there. When I got there he was standing in the driveway rolling a cigarette. He was cuter than I even imagined. He was tall, dark hair, green eyes, and a big scar across his face that made him look a bit intimidating.

He hugged me. I smelled alcohol on his breath. We chatted outside for a few minutes, it was nice. Then he took me by the hand and said "hey, i need a glass of water" and headed for the inside of his house. I heard the warning bells go off BUT as many, many, many women in this situation think, my thoughts were:

"I'm being silly, he's a nice guy, it would insult him if I acted like I thought I couldn't trust him, he's not going to try anything, I'll be safe"

Famous last thoughts.

We went in, he offered me a drink, I said no thanks, he poured us both a water and went and sat on the couch. I sat a few feet away. He continued talking about this and that and I started to relax.

Then, without warning he was next to me trying to kiss me. I pushed him away. He pinned me down and said some foul things about what he wanted to do to me. I can't tell you what exactly went through my head at that moment but I was afraid for my life for the first and only time. The thought of my son hearing that I had been raped and murdered flashed through my mind. I found myself HOPING he'd only rape me. I kept saying NO and pushing at him and he finally got off me.

I was shaking like a leaf. I ran to my car. He followed me begging me to stop and talk. The second I drove off my cell phone was ringing. He called repeatedly for hours that night getting angry and angrier each time he got my voice mail. He finally gave up and I never heard from him again...

But last weekend I was in the liquor store buying some gum. When it was my turn I looked at the guy behind the counter and...it was HIM. I will never forget his face. He wasn't looking me in the eye and I was not sure if it was because he recognized me or not. So, I said "Do you remember me?" The look on his face told me that it took a second for him to register who I was....and once he did he seemed embarrassed. I acted cool but when I got in the car I started shaking.

So....be smart. Even "mature" women make stupid mistakes. I am so damn lucky. (I saw him again tonight while driving....)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

This is so low....


Humanitarian Child Rapists

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Who Can We Trust With Our Children?

Dead investigator had extensive child-porn collection

Hundreds of images discovered in deceased man's Aliso Viejo home. Authorities searching for more victims.

Stenger, a 41-year-old unmarried Aliso Viejo man, had extensive access to young children, teaching a "Tools for Tolerance" program for at-risk middle school students through a Neighborhood Enforcement Team and working with Little League, according to county officials. Investigators with the Orange County District Attorney's Office are looking for other potential victims who may have come in contact with Stenger.



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A man convicted of sexually abusing his 4 week old son. The baby also had broken bones in all its limbs.

This man should never be allowed outside of prison walls again. I understand that most sexual abusers have been abused themselves - but what on earth creates this kind of monster?

And the mother - she's in prison for allowing it to happen.

Thankfully the baby has been adopted and hopefully this has not affected his life forever (I would think not since he's so young...but who knows what kind of fear and pain he experienced).

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Excellent Article on Rape

I haven't been writing here much but a friend pointed out a really good article worth reading:


The article ends with the important reminder that rape is NOT about sex, its about violence and control.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

No Means No

I haven't written here in a while but have been keeping up with other blogs on the topic and am grateful to the writers out there that are using their voices to make people more aware of all forms of sexual abuse and violence.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

2 Child Predators on One Street in My City

UPDATE: THEY ARE LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSE! And this predator's rap sheet goes back to the 60's!

I am not pleased to be informed that we have another sex offender in the area. This guy was just released from a mental hospital where he was being "treated". He moved in on the same street as another convicted child sex offender. What the hell?

If you've never checked out your area, I suggest you do. Even if you don't have children of your own we need to be aware and help keep kids safe.

Ironically I did a post earlier talking about how rare it is for kids to play outside these days. Its pretty sick that we have to worry about this but we do :(

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

How Many Sex Offenders Does it Take to Ruin a Neighborhood?

Apparently the city ofLong Beach, CA thinks its okay to house 12 - 14 of them in the same building which is in a family neighborhood and conveniently has a day care center directly behind it.

Sigh.

The sad fact of the matter is this:

Time and research has shown again and again that very rarely is a sex offender rehabilitated. They have an attraction to whatever it is that they do, for whatever reason they do it. Research also shows that most offenders strike again - its rarely a one-time thing.

Putting 12 men in this apartment together is wrong. The building owner receives $400 a month per person he houses there, so we know what his motivation is.

My question for him, "Do you have children? Would you move in next door to your own building with your wife and kids?"

It's dangerous. Its a temptation for these guys even if they have the best of intentions. Coupled with the fact that they are around 11 other men like them - that could lead to encouragement to go out there and find a victim.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Katie Couric Blew It

I never did understand what the big deal about Katie Couric is.

Check out this post on "Abyss of Hope" its good.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Who Lives Inside the Pedophile?

It's so easy to label someone and judge them for their behavior or personality. Without knowing a person's "story" we can't possibly know if there are factors in their life that have significantly molded them into who they are.

I am guilty of this every time I drive by the house on the corner of my street. I get so mad at the registered sex offender who lives there. I judge him, I hate him, I think he's evil. It makes me mad to see him living a life of luxury with a beautiful wife and two young children. It pisses me off that he has so many toys (boat, motorcycle, etc.) I think he deserves to be in prison.

But then I have to ask myself - - - why did he sexually abuse a child? I would bet my savings account that he was molested as a child himself (my savings is small, but that's not the point).

That's the true tragedy here - the more often it happens now, the more often it will happen in the future. Predators create predators.

So If I met Derek the sex offender when he was a boy - I would probably not hate him. He would be one of the people that I care so much about helping.

I have a hard time justifying NOT despising rapists, molesters and abusers. But peeling away all the layers usually you will find inside an abused boy or girl. That's just sad. That is what has to stop.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Men Get Raped Too

I mentioned in an earlier post that men are victims of approximately 15% of all rapes. Usually its a heterosexual male raping another heterosexual male - again a reminder: rape is NOT about sex, its about control, anger, violence....

I just heard from a friend about a man who was held for 24 hours at The Burning Man Festival and raped repeatedly during that time. How horrific. I don't know the details, and I don't want to.

The Burning Man Festival has had a lot of controversy surrounding it, they claim its about art and radical self expression - well I hope whoever radically expressed themselves by raping this young man spend time burning in jail.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Latest on the Natalee Holloway Case

I was just watching a news segment on the video tape of Joran van der Sloot and at the same time I received a comment from a friend asking my opinion on it.

Glad you asked, Aprha, here are my thoughts:


Several things bother me about the case. It seemed obvious to me from the start that
Joran van der Sloot was probably at fault but I wondered what his motive would be to kill her. I thought maybe he raped her and killed her so to protect himself, or more likely that she somehow accidentally died during their encounter.
So it was VERY disturbing to hear that she MAY have been alive when he decided to have her body dumped! I don't understand that at all! Why would he do that...unless as you said, Aphra, he gave her date rape drugs.

If it was consensual sex there would be no reason for him to try to cover it up. Her life could have been saved if indeed she was still alive.

Of course now he is saying that he was lying on the tape. I don't think so, but I suppose it could be true. I wish they could find her body and determine the exact cause of death, that would make a big difference.

Two additional things that disturb me about this are:

1) that young people equate "fun" with partying. I wish that would change. Drinking and doing drugs, like it or not, makes people more vulnerable to all kinds of trouble.

2) when Natalee "went missing" I remember one newscaster making a big point out how she was getting so much media attention because she is white and pretty. I wished that weren't true but in all the cases I have followed it does seem that other missing women don't get as much attention as pretty white girls. That's sick and wrong. There are two I can think of off the top of my head that I heard about and then....nothing. They are forgotten, and I know for sure one is still missing because she's local and I can look at her parents website.

So, those are my thoughts. I think he's guilty and most likely used date rape drugs.

Helpful Info:

I saw this information over at Holly's Fight for Justice Blog.

I think young women need to be taught these things.

When dose rape occur?

When you least suspect it, like in the company of a trusted friend.
When your guard is not up like when your sleeping, ill, on medication, drunk, or cannot physically defend yourself. Anytime, anywhere, alone, or in a group.
Institutions like jail, juvenile hall, etc.

Who gets raped?

Male and female; infants, children, teens, adults, handicaped, and the elderly.

Have A Plan

1. Always tell your family or friends where you are going and with who, giving them as much information as possible about the person, like their address, Lic. plate number, make model of vehicle, phone number, place of employment, where born, stuff like that so in case something bad dose happened your friends and family will be better equipped to inform the police about the possible suspect.

2. Mace, throwing an object, making a loud notice, can in an instant give you a second to run to safety, but that doesn't always work as every circumstance and every perpetrator is different, as some perpetrators become more violent the more you resist, but at least have a plan.

3. If you go out to parties take a trusted proven friend with you so can take care of each other, and try not to go to the restroom alone, as some perpetrators look for opportunities there too.

4. If you don't have a dad or brothers, try not to tell people that, in fact telling them that your dad is a cop, or that you have a lot of brothers can be a deterant in some cases.

5. Anytime your at a party, bar, or any place, be especially aware of your drink, your food, your medication, even your cigarettes, try never to leave such items unattended even just for a little while, as that is all it takes for someone to drug you, and to create an opportunity.

What do you do if you are raped?

1. GET SAFE

If the rapist knows where you live call a trusted relative or friend, and go to their house and make sure that the perpetrator doesn't follow you there.

2. REPORT

If you were raped don't shower, wash your hands, brush your hair, or even brush your teeth, as your body is a crime scene. Call the police and your local rape crisis center, they are there to help you, even if the rapist is a family member or someone known to you. You can ask the doctor who is to collect the evidence for a sedative to help you go through the process easier. Make sure you get an HIV test to prove you are not currently infected with HIV, if the rapist transmitted HIV to you it will show up in about 3 months or more, ask many questions, document everything.

Male victims and victims who have been abused since childhood will tend to have greater difficulty reporting this type of crime than others, nevertheless it is advisable to talk to someone about it even if you decide not to reveal your identity at that particular time. But know that by bypassing an official report the perpetrator is likely to attack someone else, and should you change your mind in the future the police will not have the DNA evidence needed to prove your case.
Another good reason to report rape is in case you get infected with the HIV virus, which can take up to 3 months for medical professionals to confirm. Should you become infected due to the rape, you might be able to charge the rapist with a manslaughter paticularily if he knew he was HIV positive, you might also be able to sue him in civil court as well.

3. GET EMOTIONAL HELP

After an attack it's very important to get all the emotional support you can, wether you have reported the incident or not, you need to take care of your self. Call up your local rape crisis center for counseling, seek out a therapist or check out local support groups. Remember that no matter how careless, trusting, attractive, timid, or drunk you were, it's Not Your Fault!
RAPE IS A CRIME!

PRISONER RAPE

Since President George W. Bush signed into law the Prison Rape Elimination Act of 2003 on September 4, 2003, there is hope is on the horizon for thousands of youth and adult victims of prisoner rape.

Counseling Therapists

If your a survivor please know that personal therapy is crucial to your well
being and recovery. Free counseling is available in USA through a non-
profit organization called VOCA.


Call your local rape crisis center to locate a VOCA counseling center near you.
USA Search http://www.rainn.org/counseling.html
or call the hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE

International Search http://www.rainn.org/rccs.html
Or see International Hot Line Phone Numbers

Monday, February 4, 2008

Helpless to Help

A friend of mine is trying to leave an abusive relationship. The thing is - you can't TRY to do anything, you have to do it or not do it. I am praying for her to leave because her boyfriend has all of the signs.

Friday, February 1, 2008

I lied about being raped

I have to get this out. This blog has become therapeutic for me, I told myself I was starting it to give others a place to talk about their experience and to educate people, but its becoming clear that its for me.

Ok, here is what happened tonight: I lied to a woman in my class. Well, I didn't lie, but I didn't tell the whole truth so it feels like a lie. I told her I had been raped. The truth is, I have been raped twice. But even now....34 frigging years after the first rape and 31 years after the second, I am still ashamed and embarrassed and feel a certain amount of self blame.

I was afraid it I told her that it had happened twice (because lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place, right?) that she would think I was exaggerating, or that I was never really raped, or that I must have been asking for it.

I am 48 frigging years old and am still feeling this way about something that happened to me when I was 14 and 17! That's insane, sad and wrong. And...it could have been avoided IF someone I would have talked about it then to the right person. But I didn't. And the people I talked to said asinine things to me that made it worse. I have been carrying around anger and resentment for them for years and just saw that tonight for the first time (and here I am, thinking I knew all there was to know about myself...ha, I guess I didn't!)


Here is what I wish would have happened, perhaps this would have promoted healing instead of leading me down a path of promiscuity and more tragedy.

Me: I was raped
Other Person (OP): Oh my gosh, how horrifying, that is awful, what happened?
Me: (shares the details, cries, shares more)
OP: Listens while nodding head and holding my hand
Me: Crying, talking, reliving the horror of it and FEELING HEARD AND CARED FOR
OP: I am so sorry this happened to you, its awful, its tragic, you must have been so scared, I am so very sorry....(holds me and lets me cry)

The incident still would have had a negative effect on me, but if this would have been the scenario I guarantee I WOULD HAVE HAD A MUCH HEALTHIER LIFE, I WOULD HAVE NOT SPENT YEARS AGONIZING IN GUILT AND SHAME. And most of all, I would understand that rape is a crime about violence and control - not sex.

that's all for now...

Thursday, January 31, 2008

What to say to a rape victim, and more of my story - Part One

I didn't learn this in training - I know this from experience. What you say to someone immediately following a rape, or anytime thereafter for that matter, can have a huge impact on the victim - negative or positive.

Since the majority of rapes are perpetrated by a person the victim knows, it is common for her to feel:

Guilty, Ashamed, Embarrassed - and to doubt herself "What did I do to cause him to think he could have sex with me?"

In the case of an abduction rape, the main thing is FEAR and it is much more traumatic. I'll stick with what I know and use myself as an example.

Things not to say:

"What were you wearing?"
"Did you come on to him?"
"Are you sure he raped you?"
"What did you do to give him the idea you wanted sex?"

You get the picture - do not say ANYTHING that even remotely suggests she did something to provoke the offender. She is most likely beating herself up with these questions and does not need you to enforce them. The bottom line is:

IF A WOMAN SAYS NO - AND THE MAN DOES NOT STOP - IT IS RAPE (or depending on what he does to her or makes her do to him some other form of sexual assault).

When I was raped I felt that I had put myself in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people and therefore I deserved it and got what I asked for. THAT IS BULLSHIT! I wish I could back in time and tell that 14 year old me that she did nothing wrong.

(deleted)
I personally believe that women do have a responsibility to behave the way they want to be treated. But I don't believe that if a woman chooses to wear revealing clothing it means "she's asking for it". If a woman starts to kiss a guy etc. and wants to stop - she has that right. I know several girls who have lost their virginity when they did not want to because they thought it would be worse to get a reputation as "a tease". Its frustrating to be all hot and then have to stop, but that's life....and rape could mean LIFE IN PRISON.

I had a very disturbing conversation with a man last night who would argue what I said above. He believes that there's a fine line between rape and "finishing what was started". I will have to save that for another time. Needless to say we disagreed on many points but it was a good conversation for me to have. It showed me how many people (men and women) view the victim.

More later...

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thoughts i need to get out

Once again I learned a lot tonight. Way too much to try and explain here, but it was interesting. Saw some graphic photos of damaged caused by rape. The forensic nurse was incredible. Too tired to talk about it, but she was impressive that 's for damn sure.

I doubted myself tonight while looking at a photo of an examining room and imagining myself sitting next to the victim as she undergoes a humiliating, painful exam. I am the type of person that would not want anyone around...I didn't even want anyone to KNOW what happened to me. I lived with my injuries and risked my health because that was preferable to the shame and intrusion and questions.

Can I really do this? I talked with the supervisor of the whole program and she has a feeling she will want to recruit me to do "more" whatever that means. I didn't ask her why because I don't ask questions like that. I have such a low self worth that I fear asking a questions that relate to me, my best friend gets SO MAD at me because I constantly divert conversations away from myself. I guess in that way, I will be the perfect advocate/counselor because that's what we are suppose to do - focus on the victim. If she asks us about ourself we need to change the topic back to her (in a polite non-obvious way).

But, when a crisis happens, or when someone is hurting, I have no problem focusing everything on the other person and helping them - its one of the few times I don't think self-conscious or self-defeating thoughts.

It reminds of the time a heard loud screaming and went outside to see a woman down the street hysterically yelling "my husband is dead!". I didn't know her but I ran over to her without thinking and just held her. She had come home from the store and found her husband floating face down in the swimming pool.

This blog is not suppose to be about me. But I guess in some ways, it is about me. Its about anyone who needs to talk about the experience of being raped. I like to pretend that I am "fine" when really, I am still full of shame and guilt and anger and it was eons ago. If I can talk even one woman through this process and help her NOT feel shame and guilt, all this will be worth it.

Tonight's Topic:

Tonight in the SAVA class we will be hearing from a Forensic Nurse and also learning about cultural diversity.

I always wanted to be a nurse, teacher or counselor but:

  • I hated certain gross bodily secretions (blood doesn't bother me but vomit, pee, etc......I have a hard time with)
  • I don't like teaching (I just wanted to encourage kids not teach them)
  • I was too busy having "fun" to go to college to become a counselor of some type

Its never too late.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Heartbreaking

I ran across a blog today that broke my heart. It was written by a young woman in Kuwait who had been raped. All stories of rape are horrible, but hers is especially devastating (imo) because of her age and her culture and mostly - her self blame. This is the kind of story that rips my guts out and fills me with so much anger. He really messed up her life. Everything she writes sounds like is a classic example of what a victim endures emotionally. Some people even accused her of making her story up. I have no doubt that its true, whoever wrote it knows. Her link is in my sidebar, "Regaining Life After Rape" and Trying to Regain Life After Rape".

She abandoned her blogs in 2006 but I am hoping someday she will find the comment I left her:

If you ever find this comment, please, please email me. I want to talk to you about what you are going through and went through. Or leave a comment on my blog. You are not alone. It was not your fault. You are still a virgin until you choose not to be....maybe physically that was taken from you but in your heart its yours to keep till you freely choose to give it.


Thank You Anonymous

Someone left a comment here that is so important I am making a post out of it. This is such a typical scenario!

I hope I did not give the impression that most child molesters/rapists are pedophiles. In fact the opposite is true. As I pointed out earlier, a true pedophile is rare. Its the people in your neighborhood that look just like us that need to be watched. This is such a sad story, my heart breaks for this family.

Again, thank you Anonymous for sharing this:


I'm interested in this topic because my daughter was a victim of CSA. The perp was one of our best friends, someone with a wife and daughter the same age as ours, pillar of the community, "Christian", conservative, neighborhood watch, yada, yada, yada. His daughter and mine had been good friends since kindergarten. We babysat for each other; we spent Christmases together. Before I found out what he'd done, if I'd wanted to form a vigilante he would have been one of the first guys on the posse.

So I think it's important to emphasize that most molesting of children is not done by true pedophiles (who are fairly rare) but by your neighbour, your uncle, grandpa, the nice Christian youth pastor, the coach your kid adores, etc. I think these people do have a faulty circuit that makes it possible for them to justify having kids as sexual partners, but they do not see themselves as pedophiles, nor are children typically their first choice, unless it becomes a habit. They go after kids because it is easy. Quite simply they feel like having sex or simply abusing or humiliating someone and they know that the chances of it coming back to bite them are much less likely than if they choose an adult. They find an opportunity and they take advantage of it. In our case my husband was in the hospital with cancer so our attention was directed elsewhere when the abuse began. It continued for about a year. I thought my daughter's depression and anxiety was about her dad's cancer and school.

I'm not sure where the figure of 95% are family members comes from. The figure I have often seen is that 90% of the perpetrators are known to the victim (this includes teen date rape situations) and 60% are family members, the most common family abuser being a stepfather or "boyfriend" of the mother. But I know the statistics on child abuse vary so hugely as to make it almost impossible to say something meaningful at times. For example, sex offender activists are fond of saying that there is only a 5% or less recidivism rate based on studies conducted by the US justice department. However these were short term studies that might only follow the perp for a year after release. Corrections Canada did a much longer term study and found an overall recividism rate of 30% for all sex offenders and over 70% for pedophiles. Of course, this only describes those that are caught - presumably the dumbest ones.

The other figure that I've read consistently is that 1/4 girls and 1/7 boys will be sexually assaulted or abused before they are 18, for girls approximately 1/2 that number by the time they are 11. I've confirmed this with my own independent and unscientific poll of people close enough to me that I told them about my daughter's abuse. 1/4 of them were also sexually assaulted or abused as children. I had known some of them all my life (2 were siblings) and I hadn't know that about them - so strong was their shame that kept it a secret. I am not in some demographic anomaly. I'm middle-class educated white (not that it matters) Canadian, I live in a quiet suburban "safe" neighbourhood. I come from a loving intact family. My family and most of my friends are in the same demographic. I say this because some people think that these things only happen in poor, drug-addled, ethnic neighbourhoods - those are just the people getting caught.

The best way to keep your kids safe is to never let them be alone with a male (95% of molesters are male) But that's not possible, so the second best thing you can do is this:
-tell your kids about sexual abuse and tell them that it is important to tell you if anyone touches them or even tries to be alone with them, if they show them pictures of naked people or try to give them alcohol - even if it is their dad or their uncle or grandpa or even you. Tell them they have to tell more than one person and keep on telling until someone does something about it. Emphasize that if this happens that it has nothing to do with them, that the adult who does this has a problem and needs help. Tell them you are going to tell all your friends and your child's friends parents, and all your relatives that you have told them this. Then do it. Tell everybody who has anything to do with your kid that you have warned them to tell you if anyone tries to touch them and that you have regular talks about it. Bring it up in conversation frequently - loudly. Child molesters are cowards and opportunists. Just like thieves will pass on cars and houses with alarms, child molesters will pass on kids when they think there is a higher likelihood they will be caught.

As a parent I was stupid. I thought child molesters were that creepy guy living in his mother's basement who drove around in a white van with a puppy in the back. I thought if I warned my kids about "stranger danger" and lived in a nice, safe neighbourhood with nice, safe law-abiding friends my kids would be safe. I was squeamish about talking too much about sexual abuse because I didn't want my kids to be afraid. I even told my daughter's abuser this over dinner once - that I downplayed talking about sex abuse with my kids because I didn't want them to distrust adults and besides I knew they were always with someone I trusted. We pretty much handed her over on a platter. Her life has been ruined and our family wounded for ever and grief-stricken watching her try to fight the inner demons that try and destroy her.

The charges against the perp were eventually dropped because my daughter was too sick to testify. Even if it had gone to court a conviction would have been very difficult - his word against hers and she being a girl who by this time had serious mental health issues. Even if he had been convicted the best result we could have hoped for was a suspended sentence and a couple of years probation. The pig still lives in his big house with his happy family just around the corner.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Thinking outloud about child molesting priests and other pedophiles

I am not into statistics so I apologize for not researching this to lay out facts. This is just how I see it. I grew up in the Catholic church and our family knew two priests as close friends. I know that not all priests are perverts - but one of the two I knew did seem to have some issues. The other one left the priesthood, got married and had a family (my family was appalled by that - I loved it).

My point - not ALL priests are child molesters, probably if you looked at the numbers it would be a fairly small percent. But out of the ones who are my question is:

Did they become that way because of a vow of celibacy? Its unnatural to live a lifetime without sex (if ya ask me), so these priests had tons of sexual desires that they were not able to express. Instead of being a man about it and finding a woman, they chose children because they were the least likely to tell anyone about it. I don't get it...how can you say you love God enough to devote your life to him, but then molest the innocent children that you are suppose to be a spiritual father to (for non-Catholics, we refer to priests as "Father So and So")

My other question: Were some of these priests pedophiles that chose this vocation because they knew it would give them access to little boys and/or girls?

This reminds me, pedophiles seek out careers (or volunteer opportunities) where they will be in contact with children. Sad as it is, you should be suspicious of any male that volunteers as your child's sports coach unless they have a child on the team too. Pedophiles need access to children and will often volunteer at the YMCA or as a coach, etc. They look just like the rest of us - normal. There is no way to tell and if they've never been caught, there is nothing found on a background check. Its up to parents to be very cautions (how sad that we have to worry about this....)

Another thing pedophiles do is target single mothers with children the age and sex of their choice. In class we heard story after story of guys finding a woman who to date so he could have access to her kids. When caught the woman always said she had no idea, but admitted that she and her boyfriend didn't have a "sexual connection". UGH!!!!! A man who does not want sex with his girlfriend has a problem!!! (unless its for religious/moral reasons)

One problem with our society is that we have become so sensitive to offending someone, and so friggin politically correct about everything, that no one had the guts to question why males are in certain jobs. Clues that a guy is a pedophile:

  • Never married
  • over 35
  • Lives with mom (or both parents or grandparents)
  • Has a low paying job with gaps in employment
  • Has few friends
  • Enjoys childlike activities - arcades etc.
and
  • Is a COLLECTOR of something
(we learned yesterday that ALL pedophiles have a collection of something that is neatly organized. It can be stamps, coins, baseball cards....or child porn. But they have never found a true pedophile that did not have a collection - use this info to check out anyone you suspect or as a red flag warning!)

Remember: Pedophiles and Child Molesters are not the same, there are child molesters everywhere! Be on the alert!

Here is a recent story out of my local paper


and a good article describing pedophiles

Endless Cycle

Lacey left a comment sharing about her cousin was molested by a priest as a child and how it ruined his entire life.

I wish she was exaggerating. I wish her comment was shocking.

But its neither, its common and its rampant.

In the case of Lacey's cousin it sounds as if he turned to alcohol and homosexuality and died of liver disease at the age of 39.

In many cases, male victims become the next generation of offenders. Then there are minority of boys and girls who grow up to live healthy lives.

Will the cycle ever end? That's one reason for this blog. The more people talk about these horrible subjects the more aware they are....and perhaps they can save the children that they know from becoming victims. That's the only hope I see

less victims now = less predators in the future