Friday, February 15, 2008

Who Lives Inside the Pedophile?

It's so easy to label someone and judge them for their behavior or personality. Without knowing a person's "story" we can't possibly know if there are factors in their life that have significantly molded them into who they are.

I am guilty of this every time I drive by the house on the corner of my street. I get so mad at the registered sex offender who lives there. I judge him, I hate him, I think he's evil. It makes me mad to see him living a life of luxury with a beautiful wife and two young children. It pisses me off that he has so many toys (boat, motorcycle, etc.) I think he deserves to be in prison.

But then I have to ask myself - - - why did he sexually abuse a child? I would bet my savings account that he was molested as a child himself (my savings is small, but that's not the point).

That's the true tragedy here - the more often it happens now, the more often it will happen in the future. Predators create predators.

So If I met Derek the sex offender when he was a boy - I would probably not hate him. He would be one of the people that I care so much about helping.

I have a hard time justifying NOT despising rapists, molesters and abusers. But peeling away all the layers usually you will find inside an abused boy or girl. That's just sad. That is what has to stop.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

There is approximately a 30% likelihood that a sex offender will have been sexually abused as a child. However this means that there is a 70% chance that he will not have. People who were offended against as children are no more likely than the general population to become sex offenders, although they are far more likely by mega-degrees to suffer from depression, eating disorders and other forms of mental illness and maladjusted and anti-social behaviors. However, I think it is important to recognize that children who are abused do not necessarily grow up to be abusers - any more than others. They don't need people loading that on them too. Part of the apparent discrepancy above is due to gender. The majority of the victims of sexual abuse are girls and women, while the overwhelming majority of the perpetrators are male. There are a lot of reasons why people become sex offenders - for a lot of them it is definitely about exercising power (and of course, this could be related to previous sexual abuse - wanting to turn the tables, so to speak). It can also be about social insecurity - the guy who is not able to make connections with people his own age. His first sexual experience as a teenager may be with someone quite a bit younger and he becomes fixated on that experience. In fact, a much higher proportion of sex offenders fall into this category - they had their first sexual experiences with children when they were children or teenagers and they never grow out of that as normal adults do.

Bar L. said...

iluka,

THANK YOU for this information. I am still learning and it sounds like you know what you are talking about. I am glad you pointed all of this out - especially the part about how victims don't need to hear that they may turn out to be predators, they have enough to deal with without that added burden.

I appreciate your sharing this because my goal is to learn and educate and every time someone gives me new information it opens a new avenue for that.